Falling to the Bottom of the Pit


I had three recurring nightmares in my childhood.  In the last of these, I had dreamed that a terrible storm was sweeping in, circular, but more spiral, as if I was already inside a tornado.  I lived in a part of the country where I had never seen or heard of a tornado.  It always came in toward me from the West, circling South, over the hill above the farm house, over where our spring water source was, in a tight spiral.  It seemed to be coming next to hit my family and me, and demolish our house.  It never felt personally aimed at me.  I always woke up terrified.  It had tremendous energies of destruction with dark clouds, which hid everything else from sight.  Well, sometime after my 5th and last dream that same recurring nightmare again began to occur, after I had not had it since I was a child.

Actually, before this, I had vacationed back home alone to visit my family; and I had dreamed that my brother had come to my bedroom door and was pounding on it furiously.  I woke up thinking I had heard him pounding on the door, but all was quiet.  In my dream, I pictured him with the head of a wildcat.  The next day I told him about this dream, and he showed me a hole in the wall of the hallway beside my door, behind a shelf,  where he had put his fist through it in anger, at some recent time.  He said he had been that angry with Dad and left the hole there without repair, to remind him of his anger, and his intention to never lose his temper like that again.

On this same vacation, I also dreamed that Mother, already deceased, had permitted me, as a child, to come with her to pick some lilacs to take to Church with us.  This was such a privilege, that I was thrilled about it.  But, as we went to a wild lilac bush out back of the barn, I stepped in some cow manure.  When she realized it, she was furious.  Here she had all 4 of us ready for Church, and now they would be delayed and late as she had to clean me up and get me changed.  In her fury, I saw her poised over me turning into a huge snake, with her mouth open, ready to “bite my head off”.

I also dreamed that I was left with a small wildcat and a small snake with me, and I dug a shallow hole outside the back door of the old farmhouse, and left them in it.  It had not seemed to have any effect as far as my real brother or deceased mother were concerned.   In fact, I thought probably something like that, with my stepping in manure had probably happened at one time or another, and it was just myself as a child taking it that way.

Once I was back home after this vacation, and after the recurring nightmare had started again, I dreamed that I saw this tornado from above.  I saw an Indian Village on the site, and an atrocity take place between a man who was a missionary and the natives.  He was put to death.  But, a war did seem to be going on between Indians and white men, at the time.   I also saw a cabin up the hill from where we lived, with our farm house not there yet.  And, I saw the cabin burned down by Indians who were leaving the area.

The next time I talked with my brother on the phone, I asked him if there was ever a sign of remains of an early cabin up the road from our place.  He said yes, that when the neighbor put in a sawmill, they ran into the early settler’s charred beams of some place that had burned down, along with a buried site of what was once discards and garbage.    It was right where I had dreamed I had seen the cabin burn.  And, our land later did become the site of an archeological dig.  There was an Indian settlement there before white men took over the land.

But, I next dreamed that I saw the medicine man of this tribe put a curse on at the site of the spring from which the water came for those living in that place.  He did this as they left the area, and they left because the women refused to stay after the men had put the missionary to death.  The medicine man was wearing a headdress of a wildcat as he put this curse in place.  He was full of terrible anger, and revenge, and destructive intention.

In format to the dream of body, soul, mind and spirit, the storm came in from the Spirit side, and the curse was made at the spring, which would have been on the side of the mind to swirl in to affect the soul and the emotions, with no physical evidence at all.

I tried then to go to the outer limits of the swirling storm, Perhaps a mile on either side, seeing it from above, and at that outer edge, I tried to start good energies to swirl back in, to eventually neutralize this curse.  It seemed to work.  But, I had the impression, that if it had been in effect for 300 years or so by then, it would take that long to undo those effects.   I felt that it showed that my family might have been under a residual effect of this curse for as long as we had lived there, and anyone else who lived there before us.   Later, our farmhouse burned down, and was replaced by a mobile home on higher ground, under which no Indian Settlement had ever stood.  They put in a well, and no longer used the spring water.  But, if it was to take the full 300 years, only nearly 50 of it have passed by now as I tell you about it. I came to think that maybe this curse did exist. Later, I felt that, if there was such a thing as a curse, it could be lifted,
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But, still later, I had one more dream that followed along from all of this.   Not all of my dreams are real; I dream garbage stuff, and the spinning off of the thoughts from the day, also.  But, many dreams have had a reality to them.  I would think most of you would have an idea of what this difference is.

This time I was dreaming of the earlier dream in which I had left the small wildcat and snake in the shallow pit in the back yard of the old farmhouse.  What if it was an actual aspect of either my brother or my mother?  Or even just a way I had condemned them for having such a bad temper, something that might have been the influence of that curse, and not their own intentions anyway?  What if they both had that dangerously bad temper from the place we lived in, even if none of the rest of us had it?  (Mother once told me that she never had a bad temper before we lived there.)   In the dream I was back there, and saw the shallow pit, and the small wildcat and snake still in it.

I went into it myself, and began to dig dirt from the center of it to make a ramp up the side, so the small creatures could get out.  But, I dug through a hole in the bottom of my shallow pit, and we all began to fall into a much deeper and widening pit.   In my dreams, I fell for all the time of my dreams for the next three nights.  It seemed more universal, where all condemning intent would put someone.  ( I have the idea that as my friend spoke of not being judgmental, it would mean not to condemn others like that.  We never know all there is to know about what they are doing or why they are doing it.)

We all fell more like leaves falling, not like some heavy rock falling.  We fluttered down and down.  I saw the snake flutter to a spiral path winding along the side of the pit, and when it landed, it was my mother in an anger she had tried to renounce.  A little farther down, I saw the wildcat land on a spiral path, and become my brother in an anger he had tried to renounce.  Both seemed to be OK there, with a way back up already ongoing under their feet.

Yet I still fell down and down.  It closed in on me, still with a spiral path back up, but it also got darker and darker.  It did not get any colder or hotter.  All along, beings like leaves falling landed on the path back up, but there was no one else that I knew.

When I landed at the bottom, I was alone.  It was totally dark, but I had some light, which seemed to come from myself, from my own body.  I was in the bottom of a well, maybe 8 feet in diameter, and round.  The way up was seen from there, but the path got wider and wider going up, and lighter and lighter.  I felt everyone on the upward path was OK.   I did not see myself on the path; this was at the bottom and the center of this pit.   I was alone there.

But, in the dim light I saw shadows of more figures falling like leaves.  I did not see any beings, only the shadows they left behind where they were. I thought they were beings who had never lived, never been human, never alive, but they had this created potential same as I had it.  Uncountable thousands of them fell in there with me, but they seemed not to take up any space.  It never was crowded down there.  Finally, no more of them continued to fall in there with me.  I had no idea what to do; I could not communicate with them or anything. I had only seen their shadows.  I had not condemned  them, and no one had.

But, suddenly, I had a cup of water in my hand, and I poured it over my head and let it also run down over where each and every one of them would be.  And, I said words aloud, meaning I shared my baptism with them, I would forever be willing to be their ancestor, for whenever they could begin to live.

I still think this is a bottoming out kind of thing we all must come to in our own ways, not unique to me.  Just in being alive, we can be ancestors or teachers, examples to others, or just helpers, to those who follow us.   This dream seemed to mean to do this willingly, intentionally, and to do it as best we can.  I said “yes” to something then.

With that, the floor became warm and lighted.  It was a mass of tiny honeycomb containers.  The beings each went into one of the little honeycomb tubes, as if they were just a seed in its container.  After they all were in these, and I alone was still observing this, the honeycomb tubes all sealed up, exactly as if with wax, but they stayed lighted and warm there.  It was in no way a hell at the bottom of this pit, it was more like a womb for them each and all.

I understood that God did not create us to be lost, destroyed, condemned or punished for eternity.  God created everything and everyone with a potential which was to eventually be fulfilled.  We had free choice, yes, and could go wrong, yes.  But, even if we lost our way, and even if we could not save ourselves, we would be eventually saved by the efforts and intervention of others.  Even utmost evil can be contained and given a rebirth at a level from which the potential can be attained, in an eventual way.  And, for me, it is a guarantee that I will attain and reach and fulfill my own potential, even if I have “bottomed out” time and time again.

With that impression I woke up as if I was just at ground level all along, and I had not realized it.  That series of dreams ended, and perhaps the curse,if there was one, was being lifted in a better way than before.

I have had other important dreams since then, but these are all that were a part of the series of 5 dreams, and what followed from the last of my archetypal dreams.

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