My Spiritual Start in my daily life, when I was 32


THE RIVER OF LIFE DREAM
I had this dream in 1956, the year I was thirty-two. I was floating above a river. I felt as if I had been there looking on, forever. I paid no attention to what was going on there; it was just the view, as if nothing I could see there had any meaning or relationship to me. But, over time, I began to notice a girl child in the river, downstream from my viewpoint above. She was thrashing around as if she felt she was drowning, but was barely keeping her head above the water. In a way, I cared, but felt that this had nothing at all to do with me.

After some more time, as if much time had passed from when I first noticed the girl, I heard an old woman on the shore, on the higher riverbank at my right hand side of the river. She was shouting and shouting at the girl, to do this, do that, be careful, try harder. She seemed almost panic-stricken about the girl, but nothing she was saying or doing was any help to the child. I then knew that the girl child had quit listening to her a long time before, it was all just noise to her ears, to her mind.   It was not being said by now.  It was like an expected echo in her mind.

I began to be more concerned, and to look around more. On the other and lower side of the river, I saw a female dog with her pups. She was doing a good job of mothering her pups, but was oblivious to anything outside of her small familiar place and home. I tried to get her attention, but she was totally unaware of me looking on.

I began to consider myself; I did not seem to have a body. I was floating there like an invisible cloud to anyone down there. I did not have arms or hands, or legs, yet I could see and hear. What else could I do?

Next, it was the first that I saw any connection for this third dream to my earlier dreams. I seemed to get the idea, this was the child’s mind, or even my own mind, associated to this girl child, but that mind was oblivious to me above them. But, the girl must not have been using her own mind, she was hearing admonitions that her mother and grandmother had seemed to yell at her over and over, until she had quit listening to the noise. But, her own mind was not working yet. It seemed to be my mind too, though, and I might be able to get it working. I might say that her mind worked in terms expected of her, but not from her own incentive.

( I am inserting this as an explanation. I did well in school, so I was intelligent enough, but I really had no thoughtful opinions of my own, even at that age of 32. I might have the impression if I did not agree with someone, but could not possibly have told them what I thought about it. If my parents, or then my husband made many of my decisions for me, I went along with it without any questions. I could be responsible enough with my young children, and I had been the oldest at home, and had a lot of responsibility for my brothers and sister. But, I only tried to do as others said or wanted of me. Nothing was my own idea, or nothing much anyway. I thought of it as my own ideas, but, not out of my own thinking and decisions.)
Then, I looked to the other side of the river, at the mother dog and her pups. She was an admirable and beautiful dog, but not a human being. She did not know she had a mind, and she had no idea that the girl child was struggling in the river, she had never seen her. That struggle might have been emotional, but the mother dog had no concept or awareness of such a struggle going on. (She was happy as a clam. (As they say.)

Then came the shocker. But in that case, my position was above all that, floating free, but disconnected. I realized, in the dream, that this was the viewpoint and position from which I as a spirit could function. But how?
Therefore, I was connected to the girl child, the old woman yelling, and even the dog with her pups. All of these were representative aspects of myself. And, they mostly were disconnected from each other. As in all of this dream, it seemed a very long time before I moved to do something. I went down to see each position, to look at the figure in it, more closely. I could not see any way to help the girl, nor could I get the old woman to notice me. But, I went to the dog, and got her attention. I got her to notice me, and with this, she became human. She let me join with her, enter her body, and we pushed a log into the river. I think it was mainly a way for the girl to grab hold of something, from myself as a spirit. But, as the dog let me join with her, she was human, in the body I then could recognize as my own. I felt that she also represented the Soul, the connections to family, to life, the responsibilities for and with others. And, the log has been there by her, when we shoved it into the river for the girl child to hang onto.
( Adding to this again. It was a little distasteful to have seen my own body and life as a dog, with pups. But, as a child we raised Danish Shepherd puppies, and I had respect for the mother and how she took care of her puppies. It was not as if I was just some animal or beast.) ( It also was as if my life used my conscience, or values of my soul about what was right and wrong, and there was nothing to be ashamed of in that either. She just was totally oblivious to the way she was not thinking much, not learning much, not realizing about how often she was feeling badly about one thing or another, and not wondering why or what to do about it. And, as her living spirit, I was so disconnected as if I had not even cared as I would expect of an onlooker even if it was one of my own children near drowning, I had been uncaring, not connected at all.)

I then went out over the river, and tried to get the girl to notice me, so I could tell her to take hold of that log. But, she was unaware of me, and unaware of the log floating near by. But, I noticed the noise, the yammering of the old woman, the noise of the mind. I knew I had to address this next. I floated over there, and again she was not hearing me, unaware of me. But, when I tried to enter her, join with her, she was accepting of me coming in. And then, like mind to mind she could know how she had sounded, and that the child had long ago quit listening to her. It was a re-echo of what had been said to me long before, or my own selection of what might be said to me then by others. What I might expect to be told.I got her to quiet down, and to only say what needed to be usefully said. It was then as if she was speaking normally, not yelling, and only saying, the log is right there by your hand, just reach out and grab hold of it. It was finally in my own voice. But, still the girl was not hearing this.Next, I had to go out by the girl child in the river. First, I tried to talk to her, but nothing worked until I entered her body, and I listened to the voice of the mind, and blindly reached out and felt for whatever it might be out there that I could hang onto. And I did it. That was the end of the dream.
In a way, I never knew what that log represented, but it seemed in time, that it was the connection my soul let my spirit make into my whole life. As if I could let my spirit come in. She, the mother of my children, had to trust and cooperate with this connection.
(A response:I intend to read this over and over, until I can get it into my thick skull)
My answer today. 

Thank you, I know it sounds like so much, and it was, but at the time, it was a kind of blind stab in the dark, without knowing what it did for me. Results came, as if my spirit awakened in me, or came in from just looking on, to being invested in my own life. In the body of the Child of God, I was not able to be an onlooker, but as a spirit, I could enter and function in the body.  The awareness in my daily life did not include seeing or relating to my own spirit, and my mind did not seem to comprehend this.  But, there was my own spiritual functioning which could connect to my body, soul and mind.
Your skull is no thicker than mine, believe me. It is not something from me that I hope to give you. It is the recognition that you are a spirit with a body, soul, mind and life, but only the spirit can bring it to all it is meant to be. That is not to say we do not need a soul or a mind, and we even need our body and the life we live.
I had once thought prayer was to a punishing God, and trying to be good, when I was little. But, it was when I was at least 24, before I realized it was what I was heartfelt about, for me, for my children, family, life, that came across as prayer. I was writing things down in a sort of a journal, to wonder, realizing, I had so many questions and no answers. But, I began to get some answers. It might come in a sudden understanding, or insight, or even a feeling of what was real and to see when what was being presented to me was what someone wanted me to see, not as I could see it for myself. I had dreams, or it just came as common sense to me, or just a spur of the moment what to say or do. I did realize, gradually, if I am getting answers, then the heartfelt things I try to write about in my journal ARE how we pray, it is from our hearts, not only our minds or intentions. It is what we care so much about it stays on our minds, until we try to say it, or think it, or write it down. As if we ourselves have to realize we are praying, and for me, answers began to come, before I even knew it was praying.
I know that 0ur 0wn spirit can function, to look on, see things, sense things, know about the other side, after death, and we can take part in that larger way that connects to others. I have had some of this happen for me, but at first it was like listening to a whole bunch of radio stations at once, or seeing a kaleidoscope of everything all mixed up and reflected to me, and it was more  nonsense and noise, where I could sometimes sort out one message, or picture.
But, I prayed to quiet down my noise and hear or see only what I needed to hear or see. I have had psychic, or spiritual experiences, and believe and respect those who do. But, it is most important of all to have your own spiritual functioning working into your own life, and for the things that are the most important and necessary to you. It can be other people you pray for or care about, of course, but for yourself as well, and really, first. It is like they tell you in an airplane, fasten your own oxygen mask on first, and then help others, or you will pass out and won’t be able to help anyone. That is not being selfish.
Living this way since then, a spiritual perspective and functioning has expanded.  But, I have still only sensed what I need to see or hear or know, and not extraneous things I might want to know about.  I seem to be asked to do some things, as if it is just dumped in my lap, and left in my hands.  But, if so, I seem to be enabled to do it.  But, it is a learning process and never the same thing again.  The perspective gets larger without my trying for it to expand.  I have wanted to share about it.   I trust that there is growth going on, even if it is into an unknown, not to a goal I have in mind.
I think this best says where I may be coming from.  There is not much point in posting more and more. What we each need has to come out of ourselves.  We can be in contact with other spirits, but what we need has to come out of ourselves
  So, more Power to Each and All of  you.

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