A Lifetime process of growing up


This is inserted from my Journal.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               In a way, I feel that I have been challenged or asked, or put myself on the line, to say more than I have so far, and do more, but if it falls on deaf ears, or is something that no one can answer, comment on, ask about, then what?  It seems to me, then I must go on doing what I can, without saying anything to anyone else but here (in my Journal, prayerfully,) about it, and trust in the bits and pieces of what seems to come of it.  It is in a right direction for all it touches, even if nothing in the situation changes.I said I have felt that I am being shown how, and it seems to be for spiritual functioning, as I see it opening up for everyone as it has not been for everyone, up to now.  I see a certain kind of a process, or progression, in this coming to me.

It is hard to find the words, when there is no context for it so far.  It starts out as if God is asking of us, and if we will try to do what is asked, we are enabled to do the impossible.  But, we are left with a little bit learned that we retain.  Even a child can do this, and we can do it now, knowing that we each are a Child of God.

Perhaps we need our own sense of God being real to us first.  For me, it is God as parents.  A Father, yes, and a Mother as well, each being themselves in a male nature and a female nature, for we are said to be made in their image.  But, I think of God as parents, who also can relate and love as one, guide us as individuals, and tell us “no” when we are about to make a mistake, or even stop us from disaster, if we are not listening.  In my experience over my life, it has sometimes seemed to be guidance from a Father, and at other times from a Mother, but overall, from both in accord on what I need and can receive, and use.

To develop spiritual functioning, we need guidance, and to trust ourselves, we need to ask to be stopped if we are going wrong.  This guidance and intervention comes one on one from God, as parents in accord with each other to the individual.  It is never an absolute for all situations or times, it is always for the moment, and a bit may be learned for the whole of a lifetime, but most is just in the circumstances.  I say this, in my journal, prayerfully so, wanting to be corrected if I am going off in wrong directions.  I have experienced being stopped in my tracks often enough to ask and to trust this.  Enough to be thankful for it.

I have written long messages like this, and simply could not actually send or post it, when according the the natural laws, it is inexplicable that I am stopped from it.  BUT, that allows me to dare to go ahead and write it, regardless.  Then it remains to be seen if I can or do post it or send it to anyone.

After a long time of being asked, the process gradually changed to having to realize everyone else is also a child of God, even if they do not realize it.  They are asked too, and some of them attempt what they can, and learn from it, and are also enabled to do as they attempt.  Maybe not so they do things that appeared to be impossible, but it can go that far at times.  Others seem to me to get sidetracked into a spirituality that takes them away from relating to others as equals, and into a sense of moving above the meaning of what our lives are, and our relationships are.  Yet, these are the school we are in, for the lessons of life, and for the growing up that we need to do.  Some of the like minded people over the years who were my confidants and friends, also wanted to be my teacher, my mentor, but in return, could not receive what I had to offer them.  Others shared equally, and we both learned from each other.

I see this as a stage of being brothers and sisters  with others, knowing our childhood equality with other children of God, all being in the same boat, and also, to realize that when we are asked to do something, others do their part too, it is never just our own doing, as if no one else did a thing.  I came to a clear sense, in due time, to see that some worked against what was asked of us all, and others were working for it.  Sort of being part of the solution, or part of the problem.  I needed to work with those who were part of the solution, and stop giving energy and attention to those who were part of the problem.  I could want the solution FOR them, anyway.

In a specific way, I wrote about this to many others, and so many were trying to save souls, or teach lessons, or rescue other people, that they had no time at all to look at the others beside them who were rescuing, saving, teaching.  The more someone had their own way to teach others, their own brand of salvation, their own message, the less likely they were to hear and see each other.Now, at this stage, it seemed as if God as our parents, would wait and not ask me, but want me to see the right way to go, at least a direction, and to recognize the wrong ways to go, and for me to OFFER what my part might be.  I was not to go ahead and barge in and rock the boat for others with my way, but see if it was given an ok.   If it could be attempted, and would seem to be accepted, or I might be told Yes, or given a go ahead.  Not by someone else, but inside myself, as from an offer to God as our parents, and to be given a go ahead.  I might be the only one doing a part, sometimes, but more often, it was like a rallying call, and others began to do their part as well.  It might be a very small part, if there was a boat that might be rocked for those for whom it would seem to be part of the problem.

These were stages in my life, and I would suppose they might be stages for anyone. As I write this, I think of what was going in in my life before 1960.

Next came later, and finding the words for it are again difficult.  I had to begin to trust myself and go ahead and not sit on my hands waiting to be told, yes, it is ok., yes, it is approved.   BUT, I had those 3 years of psychic ability that came on suddenly, and was able to do things that I intended, but also found it causing unintended side effects I did not want.  There is too much to tell of those experiences to tell here, but it was a seriously difficult lesson to learn.  I could not dare to to go ahead and do as I was seeing to do, unless I could be stopped if I were going wrong.  It is like having a tiger by the tail, you can’t let go, and it can turn back on you, or on others near you.  Yet it is a God given power, we have it, and we have to learn how to use it.

I would say this is like moving on to realize you are a specific and individual son or daughter of your parents, not all grown up yet, but it is up to you to take on responsibility in your own right, and to be a spokesman for your parents, and an older brother or sister, to your siblings.  If I can trust my parents, and myself, and if I am headed in the right direction, it was as if God as parents was indicating to me that I was trusted, I could be depended upon, I could be responsible, and the only one standing in my way was ME.  But, I had to ask for the veto, to be stopped if I was going wrong.  It came, but, in a way, it could be my own spirit being directive into my mind, soul, body, life.  I can be trusted, but I did not know it myself.

I say all this because I think it is a process of growing up that we all go through.

I feel that it is integrative with each step taken, each stage realized.  I really feel I am saying all this as a prospective grown up, which is what God wants for each and for all of  us.  I am writing it in my Journal, at least, and prayerfully so, and I intend to go ahead and post it as a document to Chris, and to put it as a post on my blog.  I will see if I get stopped.  I sort of doubt it, this time.

I wonder if it sounds too ordinary, as if I am not really speaking of spiritual power and direction into my own life.  If you have the eyes to see and the ears to hear, there is a message here.  If it is a message in a bottle, to be remembered or read later on, that too is reason enough to send it.

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