How we all Develop


In 1965, I began to share with someone with whom there seemed nothing in common, unless we looked to basics or common ground, for what our quite different beliefs and experiences were. We came to call it a process of “both / and”. It opened our minds and made us both find out if our beliefs had been taken on from others, or had come out of our own experiences. In time we shared what our experiences had been which had led to things we felt were real and true, not just beliefs.

This sharing revealed a path of development that covered the same kinds of human nature functioning, as if it was built in for us, and there was a kind of a process followed in what and when we had stages or steps of what we had learned. But as a man and a woman, we had done each stage or step of it in an almost opposite way and time. It was only by that 40’s time in our lives that we had finally both covered all of the same things. At the start, it was totally different for our ways to start our development. We had started out as if left brain was developed first by girls, and right brain by boys, then the reverse, but neither one of us had these integrated very well. At a certain point in time, perhaps 10 years later, we each had an experience in which he literally felt an energy almost like lightning, in his brain, as if a scissors was opening, vertically, but front and back, in his brain. I had an experience in which I literally felt an energy flow start horizontally, as if between my right and left brain. It seemed somewhat warm, electrical, a trickle of energy in my brain as an actual sensation, a difference. I did not particularly know any content, it was like nerve sensations crawling along.

But, when we wrote to each other about this, our letters crossed in the mail, and we had both experienced this at the same time. And, I could notice that he began to suddenly get large conceptual whole ideas as if they were suddenly illuminated in his mind, as if he had some pieces of a puzzle he never had put together, and suddenly, without all of the pieces of it, the whole picture was there as an experience. Not a stopped picture, but the whole of seeing it work. Not a physical experience, but a conceptual whole that just came to him.

But, the physical sensations of it had only been just as the energy in our brains had happened.

For me, I began to write, comprehensively, as if it was not just about disconnected experiences, or experiences I did not really understand, but I was finding words for things I had just not been able to put into words at all before, but, I had been trying to do so in writing to him.

Now, there are a couple of observations about this that I want to share, and that is about all I can say now.

For one thing, we just seemed to know that men develop initiative before they become receptive and responsive. As if primitive human beings, the man had to act first, and figure it all out later. And as if primitive women had to step back and care about her family first, retreat, leave it up to the man to do something, anything, as if she had her perceptions going out in every immediate relationship contact. It was not up to her to do something, unless her regrouping with all the others led to it. But, she was a protector of the young, even at the cost of her own life. He was a protector of her, whether it protected all her young or not. She was more his one to center upon.

In our minds, this was also as if his orientation into the world and relationships worked vertically, always with a sense of above or below the next guy, there had to be a top dog so to speak, and you darn well better know who it is. and, it is not a woman, that is not even part of the question. Even in a group, he had to know this. And, with this as an orientation, what seems highest, is also most important, necessary, right. Etc. etc. But,to be below in the totem pole is a very bad spot for a man to be. He is next to nothing within the group, clan, tribe, family.

For her, it was more as if she really did not much feel that hierarchy among women, they all seemed to look out in horizontal ways for commonality, yes, elders might know more, but the new mother had the power of her position, and the aunts, or sisters, or even friends, all had a stake in the common good.

I am only saying, that the first ways we develop still fall back on those primal needs for how to survive.

By today, a woman can just wonder why her man has so much at stake in his men friends regard for him, when to her, it would be like very little difference to even bother about. He can wonder why she can’t just hop to it and do something, but has to figure out how it might affect everyone else, and then agonize about what to do.

I know I am making it sound far worse than it is, but it is an underlying aspect of human nature. We called it the Primary modes. It was only from our experiences when he began to develop the modes I had developed first, and when I began to develop the modes he had developed first, that we realized how different men and women still are.

A man has modes like “act first”, and then he added to be receptive and responsive, and to look for common ground with others. She had the responsive, receptive, commonality first, and then she added the ability to speak up directly, and to take charge, and to act, even if she had to “just do something” and figure it out later.

We realized that we had both done all that before we met. We had both written to an author, who only responded to us much later, and gave us each others names and addresses, and said we should be writing to each other. We did, and corresponded almost daily for 33 years, and until his death in 1998.

We developed what we have called a picture, more a map, of our human structure, and the process it gives us in which we do develop in these ways. For us, it was one blind step at a time, and with our very different lives and upbringing, but it was the same structure for humanity, and the same process too. It was created and given to each of us, within us, to be opened up and discovered and followed. The map is a spherical mandala, much the same as many draw and feel is meaningful. Almost any “way’ that someone begins to teach or show others is much the same, as far as they go.

But, in our lives, it is infinitely variable for how it is learned by each person. It is as different as our faces, voices, bodies are different. We each find our own way, somehow, and it is the only way for us. No one can follow the way as another person preaches it or leads, as if it is an only way and is going to be the way for everyone. But, anyone who is finding their own development path has a kind of responsibility and need to share it, because it can give the next guy a way to get his or her own sense of direction, for themselves.

At this point in time, and in my life, I see the structure and process changing from one blind step at a time, not yet added up of a whole, into a centered-ness, where everything that can add up of a whole for each of us is to be our new orientation, and we expand upon it now. I see it as a reorientation which has come to its own time to come about.

It is for humanity as a whole, yet, it is also for us as children in a body, with a mind, with a soul, and with a higher self, or an eternal spirit now to be living in its own body, and not on some cloud 9 looking on. I see it as a time when the functioning of the spirit is to be known, experienced, learned, in a balanced and whole way in living a life.

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