Impressions into the after life, and changes in my life, *12th in series.


The aftermath of about 3 years from this dream reflects that something like this was going on in my life. I did realize more on everything I had worked on before, but it went deeper, and more integratively into soul and spirit, mind, with my body and life. My every day life went better; I was more at home being me, and not so much up the creek without a paddle, as I might have put it before that.

I did have many smaller dreams over these next few years, but there remained the structure, the format of these 4 parts of myself. I saw it as a house, with 4 rooms, and each room contained different ways I could function. Spirit was the highest, and the child in the river of life was the lowest. The mind on one side, and the soul on the other side, seemed to complete the 4 components.

It was and is difficult for me to see the dog with her family representing the soul, but it was the child, alone, out there in the midst of the emotional turmoil of life, which seemed to represent the body, and the emotional responses and ties into life. No matter how connected and useful and good a family could be, there was still that cutting edge of being alone in the midst of everything pulling on her from every direction, sweeping her along, bumping into her, etc. etc.

The soul is like being in and of the family, the home, the history, the meaning already built up, which is there to hang onto, when the storms of life sweep over us.

I am trying to describe the feeling, overall, which I had about these aspects of myself. The girl alone could get into trouble, but the dog was narrowed down to instinct, connectedness, responsibilities, concern for others, duty, and her obligations. The child did not have ground under her feet; she did not have that meaning sustaining her.  But, both were aspects of the whole being, of myself. The mind had few answers, but prayer and guidance had opened up already, and the mind needed to also let go of the noise it had perpetuated. But mainly, the spirit needed to stay connected, functional, for any of these other aspects to wake up, and to integrate, become whole.

I want to add that the Body, Soul or Mind cannot contain all that the Spirit is.  But, without it linked and operative with each of these aspects, they simply cannot function together as they potentially might.

This was the pivotal dream of the 5, the one where I began to get my bearings. Other unexpected dreams which followed became more complicated, with deeper meanings, with more far reaching kinds of change.   Other dreams seemed to be more about universal human nature, which of course applies to each person anyway.

At the time of the River Of Life dream, I did not know what the log represented.  It was just something to hang onto.  But, the way my life went, I began to take on more by choice, the purposes of responsibility into my family, responsiveness to the needs of people who were relating to me, and even obligation and duty.  To the extent I may have felt obligated, before, I then knew it to be my own choice and decision.  In other words, the ground under my feet became those of the soul’s purposes in my life.  But, the voices I had to quiet down in my mind were also those of the mind with the Idea, the concept, of what the soul should be and should do.  They had never been my in own voice before.

But, I decided, I chose to do this.  And, that made all the difference.  I was not being pushed and pulled to do as seemed required, I did it of my own free will, and of my own intention.  But, I also found that I had to discriminate between what was a real responsibility which I should take on, and what was perhaps actually just being expected of me.  I had to look into why I felt I should do something, was it something I could see was my responsibility, or was it something that someone else wanted of me, but did not need, really.  At the same time, though, people could ask, and I could respond willingly.  At that time, I tried to do it all, at first.  But, the discrimination also began at once, and improved gradually.

I remember once when we were at a Thanksgiving dinner with another family.  My son asked me could I do something for him, I don’t remember what it was, and I answered that I could, yes, but I could see no reason why I should.  He was fine with that, and did it for himself.  But, the father of this family later told me it was a shock to him, and he realized that they were still waiting on their two (rather spoiled) children hand and foot, and maybe it was not the best thing to be doing.

At the same time, my dreams and feelings gave me more of my background to reconsider.

I began to dream that my grandmother thought she was in Hell.  I could go to her, and she seemed to be unbelievably old, blind, crippled, deaf, but far worse than she had been in real life when she died.  I sat by her bed and began to feed her, and talk to her, touch her, patting her like you might pat a baby.  Gradually she got so she could see me and hear me.  I told her she was not in Hell, there was no one there but herself, and I was just visiting her.  But, she was admitting to me how wrong she had been to be so condemning toward others, so willing to pray as if God was condemning them, and so willing to wish punishment on them.  With this, finally, she could see her own punishment was felt in what seemed to be her body.  But, she really was not in her body anymore.

I tried to tell her I had forgiven her, but that she could not forgive herself.

Until she was willing to see that God might understand that she had gone so far overboard in trying to live up to and demand living to the idea of the Letter of what seemed to be the Law, she had lost sight of the purpose for the guidelines of the law.  It was as if, for her, the soul’s guidelines were more from the idea, teachings, and concept, of what she should be and do, and not from her own heart.  And, of course that was what I was learning myself.  But, I did feel very strongly that my grandmother and I had this contact, and I helped her to understand this as much as she helped me.  In the end of these many dreams about her, she was healed in the body she seemed to have, and released from it as well.  I could not be sure but what she went through that torment to show me what could not be said.  And of course, it could all have been only my own inner reflections.  But, that is what I learned.

I have since realized that many of my impressions which seemed to come from God, were more as if from a Mother personality than a Father personality.  I had begun to realize that there was much more to the nature of the Divine which related to me than what I had been told, or what I had ever seen for myself.  It is possible this was all coming to me, being shown or taught to me, but not really by my grandmother.  I may never know.

There were 3 years before the next dream, and this one had reflected more to me about myself, which I had not yet looked at.  I never dreamed anything difficult about my grandmother again.  In fact, I dreamed of hearing music from her bouncing coffin, and saw her come out of it a young woman who did not know me at all.  I saw her dance off into a sunlit and flowering meadow, with the music accompanying her.  I think it was my last dream of her.

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One Comment

  1. Posted ThuAmerica/Denver1000America/DenverThu, 25 Jan 2018 20:39:21 +0000, C-0600 1516912761thPM at 8:39 pm | Permalink | Reply

    What a beautiful story……helping your grandmother to release herself from her guilt…setting herself free….And on down the ancestral line? 💕

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