A Here and Now message to those following this blog. * 15th in series.

A here and now message to all readers here, the many women, and few men following this.  Why am I writing it?  

I had a lot of spiritual experiences and events as a child, abruptly ending with trauma when I was about 8 or 9.  Then , when I was 23, in the summer of 1947, I had another experience which was a Spiritual Awakener for me. This led to 5 inner guidance dreams which changed my life, from 1948 to 1962.

Each dream came up out of my own inner depths, but seemed to be brought up for me by spiritual means, and Divine guidance.  Each was a kind of a map of inner work I needed to do.  The dream did not DO this work.  Each dream outlined and led to 3 or 4  years of everyday real life realizations and changes I needed to accomplish.  It was like taking layers off of emotional baggage, bit by bit.  As soon as I could handle it, the next layer seemed to surface for me, and had to then be the lesson  for what was to be learned from it.

Until 1956, and a mid-point dream, everything was like a spring starting to flow from my unconscious mind to my conscious mind, bringing up my own muck, but also gradually washing clean. It also was as if my right brain held an original way something took place, and my left brain had processed it to form the meaning I gave it, and my conclusions, beliefs formed from  it.  I was receiving a replay of what happened, and processing it again, not merely as I must have taken it at the time it happened.  I had a lot of beliefs and conclusions to change.  I saw different meaning in things.  The past was updated with new lessons learned and new meanings, and new conclusions.  This was not my doing it intentionally, it was how it came to mind for me, and how I could deal with it. I was a natural process going on for me.  But, it was sort of spoon fed to my conscious mind, bit by bit, layer by layer.  Each layer seemed worse than any I had seen before, yet, it was washing clean, the dirtiest, most buried the last to air out.

The dream did not DO this for me, it was like a map to what was to be done.  But, after the dream, things came up to my conscious mind, as if by a process I did not control.  Oh, I could ignore it, and it would come up in another way, but I could not have opened up my own can of worms before the process brought it up, already opening.   It came in dreams, or other ways things would just come to memory or attention, thoughts, impressions, if I would pay attention.  I had to listen, in a way, or see in a way, or be aware of a thread that kept coming to mind and slipping away again.  There was no way to speed it up or find a short cut.

But, all this was done in my everyday life and relating.  It was not as a spiritual pilgrimage, even if, in retrospect, it seemed to have been something like that.  It was with all the normal stuff of life, good bad and indifferent.  There were depths for any height gained.  My life had to stay in balance, and not go to ignoring dreams and impressions, and not go to think of it as being a spiritual journey, yet not one of my life.

In this pivotal dream, finally, it was as if my spirit connected to interact, and to act through and with my body, soul, and mind.  In this dream, again, it did not DO what it showed as the work laid out for me, the lessons to be learned, the things to be done.  that was sort of shown to me ahead of time, but I still had to do every bit of it, in living my life, in my relating, in my understanding.  It was a lesson then another lesson to be learned, from beginning to end.  But, from this mid point on, I began to get spiritual impressions, into the after life, into the nature of God, as a personal impression, like a personal relationship, as I had never received before then.  These came with a sense of my needing to tell others.  Now, it would be nice if I could tell all my story, and leave out the muck, and only tell the best of such impressions, but it seemed I could not do this.  I think most of us try to do this at first, and there is a lot of good stuff shared, but not with how it was learned first hand, the hard way.

So this is the reason for my blog.   Beyond this, I feel by now that the people of the world are all closer to being awakened spiritually, ready or not, here we come.  I feel that as enough of us experience this, and begin to function accordingly, it need not be known as being spiritual, or as morality, or a calling.  More people will protest what is wrong, more will tell the truth when it is about secrets that should not have been kept secret.  More doing wrong will be careless and be easily observed by others.  More people will pitch in to do the good stuff that needs to be done.  It can go to extremes, yes, we need common sense too.  But, it is already happening.  Religions that were rigidly dogmatic, or negative, are going to extremes and are falling apart as well.  Yet the personal sense of a relationship of inner guidance is known to more and more people.  Politics have been going to extremes, with less and less actual representation of the people, and with more and more secrecy and unseen dealings.  But even this is becoming more visible all the time.  Countries are falling apart.  Individuals are waking up.

I want to share my impressions of what I have “seen” of Spiritual truths.  But, it also seems that we each have different impressions, as different as we are different, as our viewpoints are not the same.  I shared this first with a partner of many years, and it was as if each impression showed us how much greater the unknown into Divine and Spiritual nature is than we grasp. If every person’s take or viewpoint on it were to be taken as a whole, impossible as that would be,  we would not have a defined and absolute definition, as each religion has attempted.  God and Divinity, our own Spiritual nature, and even our human, potential is so much more than we even begin to realize.  You WILL each one see it differently than anyone else. Your inner guidance will be for YOU, alone.  We have a lot in common, yes.  But we are also different in a  personal way, our lives, what we have learned, who we are, and being ourselves.  We are alike, as of one creation, but we also are each of us utterly to be our own unique selves.

In a way, the muck was about how to be a human being, and we all have that to learn.   But, from the pivotal dream on, with our own spirit participating, into our body, soul, mind, and involved in our lives, we also become the individuals, the different and unique people being ourselves into all we are and do.

My next blog will go on into when I had 3 years of psychic ability, and did not know how to function as well as I thought I could.

But, thinking I had completed this blog, I find I need to go on to the muck part, because that comes first, and deals with human nature, as we all have to come to terms with being a human being in a body, with a soul and with a mind.

We have a spirit, but it seems our spirit is asleep, or on some cloud not paying much attention to our life, not involved in human nature,  or as our own higher self, a spirit not connected as ourselves, or even a spirit in a spiritual ocean at one with all other spirits.

In the meantime, here we are living in the world as it is.  For one thing, there is a double standard for men and women.  It can seem to be to the advantage of either one, or to the disadvantage of either one.  Then, in my experience, women are seen by both men and other women to have been virtuous, virginal, always good, striving to be perfect, or they have been tainted by being human, having human nature, to become fallen women.  My grandmother, born in 1855 saw it this way, and was seen this way.  My Mother, born in 1893 got away from it more, and my generation, my being born in 1924, somewhat more.  Today, we may have even reacted to the idea, and let go of our own better instincts.  But we surely do not see it the same way now.  In some countries the older ways are the source of laws for punishment and condemnation, even death by today.  Men, on the other hand are excused for human nature, and are more to be admired for conquests, domination, control, and the less visible men who try to be honorable with others, to respect others for no reason, are relatively looked down upon.  Again, the generations have changed these ideas.  Men are more responsive and caring in relationships now, more willing to love and care for children, girls and boys alike.  But, not in all countries.  I am being overly extreme in these descriptions.  I have tried to show this, however, as it harmfully affected my grandmother, my mother, myself.  No one did this personally to one another.  It was culturally accepted, as if it was natural, or natural for us to wake up to what it was, and to out grow it.  Yet, even today, women may feel they are sexually free like a man is free, but it is at a deep cost to  her self image, her wholeness of how to live.  And, men today, may be more willing to live with a woman, yet not have to be committed to stay or have a family, rather than to write her off as a fallen woman, as once was the rule.  We are not out of the woods on being human beings yet.  If my story can help anyone, I offer it.

But, it was with inner strength that my grandmother refused to marry the man who “treated her as if she were his wife”.  It was a secret for most of her life, but she told me when I was 18.  It was with inner strength, yet fearing to go to hell, that my mother had an abortion in 1932, only finally telling me 5 months before her death.  It is not to their shame.  The secret was a terrible emotional burden to them for their lives, but not by the time they died.  I credit them for this.  I tell my own experiences in the same light.  It came out of the culture, the way men and women trust, relate and treat each other, nothing was particularly conscious or intentionally done to harm each other, but harm was done to everyone.  As human beings, we are learning better on how to be ourselves, and not just to be so traumatized or hypnotized and brainwashed as just being carried along by others in what we do.  We are waking up spiritually.  I want to be part of this waking up, and to see it blossom in all humanity.


  1. Noreen Caulfield
    Posted SunAmerica/Denver6000America/DenverSun, 24 Jun 2012 00:11:26 -0700, C-0700 1340496686thAM at 12:11 am | Permalink | Reply

    Can relate to what your saying Helena, so well written and so honest!

    love and light! xx^j^xx

  2. Posted SunAmerica/Denver6000America/DenverSun, 24 Jun 2012 01:05:50 -0700, C-0700 1340499950thAM at 1:05 am | Permalink | Reply

    Beautifully written Helena as usual, now continue please I want to know what happened next ? There I so much sadness in all of this, surely there had to be a time when you were happy and the people before you were happy, times have changed a lot and in100 years from now people will look back and wonder about us.. Keep telling more please
    Blessings Elizabeth

    • Posted FriAmerica/Denver7000America/DenverFri, 06 Jul 2012 18:34:51 -0700, C-0700 1341599691thPM at 6:34 pm | Permalink | Reply

      Aurora, thank you for the comment on my blog. I am finally continuing on now. Some is diffiult to write, and then there are other things to mention as I go along.

    • Posted FriAmerica/Denver7000America/DenverFri, 06 Jul 2012 18:35:48 -0700, C-0700 1341599748thPM at 6:35 pm | Permalink | Reply

      Elizabeth, I see you were able to comment on this one, and I thank you so much.

  3. Aurora
    Posted SunAmerica/Denver6000America/DenverSun, 24 Jun 2012 02:12:13 -0700, C-0700 1340503933thAM at 2:12 am | Permalink | Reply

    Wonderful blog! This sounds so much like my own life, I couldn’t put it down and then had to share it with my husband. Can’t wait to hear more.

  4. Posted MonAmerica/Denver6000America/DenverMon, 25 Jun 2012 21:57:43 -0700, C-0700 1340661463thPM at 9:57 pm | Permalink | Reply

    A fatastically open and honest expose into your inner world. I have been guidded to write something very similar….. Clear parallel in content and insight bring me closer to you still Helen. Simply wonderful!

    • Posted FriAmerica/Denver7000America/DenverFri, 06 Jul 2012 18:37:01 -0700, C-0700 1341599821thPM at 6:37 pm | Permalink | Reply

      Isis8star,thank you so much. I hope you do write,and will give me a link. thank you.

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