My Sense of the Divine

I am trying to think of how to write about Jesus Christ, as he is held to be part of the Divine Trinity.  There is a question too, of the position of the Mother to the Father, and to the Divine Trinity.  And, written separately, The Holy Spirit can lead us to take part in the larger purpose of God, which we cannot fully understand.  We just can do our part.
My inner guidance has pictured it that, in our earthly lives, we are starting in our development, and for us, there are parts of life in which the mother has an upper position, in the home, in childbearing, and in early child rearing.  She does this in a largely receptive and responsive way, but at the same time, she is in charge, encompassing her family and children, as she also supports them in what they are becoming, as they gradually grow up and can stand on their  own two feet.  She seems to see things looking out on all sides, to everyone who is part of their area she feels responsible in.  When it is for someone else, like an older child, or a husband, to do certain things, be responsible in certain ways, she expects it of them and depends on them to do their part.
At the same time, a man has a very different way of looking at life, and having a responsibility in it.  Parents need each other, and neither  one is as good at the part the other has as natural to them.  But, we as a human race, have not yet learned how to share our responsibilities that way.  But, God has made us in their image.  Men and women.  I believe the Bible says it is in Their image, Our own image.  Man without woman does not inherit and populate the world, and Woman, without man, also does not inherit or populate the world. God is not possibly only male, but there is a Father aspect and a Mother aspect, and they are very different.
I had divine inner guidance from each, just as I benefited from having both a Father and a Mother.  As a Father guiding me, it was as if in a vertical way, lower and higher things I might be and do.  And the guidance was for my highest aspirations, ability, knowledge, the best I might have in me.  It left the impression that I was always lacking, falling short, not quite good enough, lower in my nature and actions than was expected and wanted  of me.   But at the same time, As a Mother guiding me, she related to me just as I am at that very moment, and only guiding me for a next smallest step to take in a right direction.  In this, I was always succeeding, at least sooner or later.  I could see myself getting somewhere, and looking forward to a next step in a right direction, without always only seeing a highest goal I might sometime reach, and yet that higher aspiration becoming more and more possible.
To put it in a different way, The Father had the same potential and promise and intention for every one, not just for me.   The mother knew about it, but as a Divine Mother, she related to ME, alone, for right where I was that moment, and only expected a next right direction small step of me, here and now, always.   But, the Father knew about that too.  As Divine parents they knew it was from both of them, to all of us and to each of us.  A highest aspiration goal is not all we look to.  Yet the smallest next step is necessary, but never the completion of going in a right direction.

We, as human beings, with our religions,  do not know that yet.  As human beings, we have not been able to establish our relations with each other with that kind  of trust and cooperation yet.  Our Religions see  God as the way our guidance is from The Father only, to each and everyone, and can lose sight of or think less of the way a Mother guides us into becoming the unique person we can be, in little one step at a time ways.  Men can see this in wives and mothers as a pandering weakness, expecting too little. It hardly can seem that a Divine aspect can be of only that nature. Women can see this in men as always expecting too much, before we as children are capable of it.
PS as I am rereading and thinking about this now, date Feb, 2015 my husband and I talked about this, and for our differences in conversation, he said women in general  talk about trivial things.  When I objected, he said he meant trivia, but I suggested it was that women talk about and care about personal relationships and understanding, compared to what seemed more important immediately into the outside world. He agreed, but added that he thought only he kept forgetting about the on-goings of the relatives and children. I assured him, no it is at least generally a difference of a male priority. 
Well, early on in human evolution, historically so, all humans  saw the Feminine as God, and worshiped accordingly.  But today, we have been largely denying it as pagan, and women look down on themselves for not being like men.  Men begin to look down  on them too, or to put them on a pedestal, and idealize what they are, without wanting to know who and what they really are as individuals in their own right.  No generalization is true or fair to everyone, but it does speak in a real way of the whole.
It is just how far along we have come toward our equality by valuing and realizing it is our differences which make us what we are, and Parents, together, what they need to be for and to a family.  We seem to be moving away from recognizing the value of such differences, and trying to be all alike
God is and can be like this human nature to us.  We cannot see it,  because we are not even recognizing it is possible.
So, the Mother and Father, together, are our parents, not just a Father as an aspect of Divinity but both as our parents.  We are waking up to this, but it was not spelled out in our Bible, even if it was in our evolution history.  We left the past behind, and yet it was our own growth in early humanity.
Now, I want to speak of Jesus Christ, as He is said to be part of our masculine oriented Divinity.
He is generally seen to be Divine in his own right, yet as an only first born son, as well.  But, he was also  a man, too, and this is known in the Bible, but  generally ignored in our religion, compared to his Divinity.   His actual Ministry was in the last 3 years of his life, as if God took over totally, and he was no longer a man.  But, he also still was a man, to the end.
And he demonstrated and was an example of being the firstborn son of God, and with it, like an oldest son in a family here on earth, took up the cause of the father, beside him and with him, toward the family.  He did not say he was taking the Father’s place as an equal, but taking his own place as the first human being to realize and to be recognized as a son of God.  He did not say, “and I am the only son of God ever”, but  he was the only firstborn son in the family of God.
I have been guided in a lifetime process that seems to be growing up, as if I was first to obey, unquestioning, and even blindly, as if I could not see for myself yet at all.  This was with parents and in my sense of the Divine.
In time, in my awakening process, my questioning was welcomed, even if the answer not understood became “because I said so”.
Then in time, I was encouraged to understand, to know why, as I was also exposed to many others ready to tell me what to believe or do.
In time again, over  years of my life, my inner guidance seemed to wait and pause, and delay, until I had to begin to ask God if I could offer to do this or that, and for awhile, during some years, an impression would come,  yes, or no, or “OK, it would not be asked of you but, it takes you in the right direction”.
I thought of this as a dark night of my soul, it came to when I got no impression as if an answer or feeling about it at all.   But, finally, I decided, well then I will go ahead, write, act, do as seems best to me, and hope for the best, but please God, stop me if I am making a big mistake.  I have been stopped at times, believe me.
But, I have also had further impressions, I had first been guided to become true to myself, to discover and admit who I am, not perfect, only human, but growing up.  I had to begin and to learn to trust myself.
But guidance went on, as if I can be trusted  by God, as a daughter in my own individual right, and I have to learn to trust myself. I mean it as if it is like being an older daughter in a human family, where they begin to take on responsibilities as and of their own.
With this comes responsibility not at all to claim divinity for myself, I can only claim that I am finally learning to BE myself.  I am not perfect, there are potentials to attain, more maturity to gain, but I stand only on my own two feet as who I am, with my sense of direction still putting next steps in front of me—-more rapidly, it does seem,—–but then, I am 90 by now.  I did not waste a lot of my life on making mistakes, but, I sure did learn some things the hard way.
But I was guided to be more responsible about the part I might have in living my ordinary life in a way that would also be a part taken in a larger purpose, from God, that I did not really understand.    I am not trying to do this spiritually in a large group of spiritually minded people, not even a church group, it is just how I live my own life that does in some way beyond my own doing, take part in something larger.  I do not direct this my self.  I only live my own life as best I can.  And yet, often there are coincidences, and ways that everyone else in a situation seems to take part it in too, and it is of benefit to all who are touched by it.  This I see as the working of the Holy Spirit.
But, I feel that the life of the Man, Jesus the Christ, was telling us all, we are to grow  up, and become the individual children of God growing up to be sons and daughters in our own lives, here and now.  And, that is more like entering our teens than it is the maturity that may be and would be ahead of us as we continue to grow up.  Not the Divinity we have accorded the first  born son, but the child he was who grew up to know this as who he was.  The man he was, for all of his life.   He opened a way for us to grow up and be sons and daughters in the family of God.
I realize that we all are led as children who must obey,  as if to crawl before walking, or  running. It is essential to follow the process we are on.  I was younger when  I had to to crawl.  And, for me then, Religion spoke to me as to all of us alike, and I was part of a group in what I learned, and none of it was individual.  So, this remains true of the whole of humanity, even as we take our different paths and steps.  We were and remain the children of Divine creating parents, every human being, but we are growing up all the time at our own pace.  I only claim, at age 90, as I could not at 20, or 50, or even at 85, I have been growing up.
I also wanted to describe my experiences when I felt I was able to be taking  part in a much larger way that the Holy Spirit seems to move in our lives, together.   There can be coincides beyond explanation, but it is also just a way a family or a person can tune in  to what is much larger than their own purposes.  Then the immediate situation is seeming to work to the same purpose in which we only have our part.   It is too much for this posting. But, as we can be geared to it, we can also be working against it.  Wars as examples.  When evil somehow takes hold of the hearts and minds of people, out of our own fears and condemnation and hatred.  In that sense, I feel I have lived a charmed, or blessed life. Beyond my own  doing.


  1. Martin Ensbury
    Posted FriAmerica/Denver2000America/DenverFri, 06 Feb 2015 20:39:06 +0000, C-0700 1423255146thPM at 8:39 pm | Permalink | Reply

    I admire your depth of questioning, Helena. Your beliefs and questions mirror yourself, and your experiences, through reading, parenting, your sons, and life as you see it, as we all do. I too, ask, why the ‘flip’ from Pagan mother-earth, to multi-gods, and a ‘male’ god and his ‘son’. These were all cultural and strong beliefs. Are you asking (without asking) the reasons for these changes ? Yes, women/men think, act, define, emotively process and physically express themselves differently. and the effect of ‘both’ is a harmony shared with our children. I believe ‘gay’ folk have experienced an imbalance. Both expressions are important, with one not presiding over the other. As with Art, men, typically resent trivia, as women typically resent ‘short/sharp solutions’. I find it curious that Jesus was an only child, and a man, and though I understand the spiritual aspects of his ‘being’, if we all had one child, the race he created would die. You describe of hopefully being guided by god, yet may experience little guidance. This is a paradox, for we could believe in the ‘word’ of a tree-stump, thus, to give this kind of guidance. Is not ‘self-belief’ the ensuing individual/collective growth for humankind ? The answer to your statement that most orthodox beliefs, despite a god-belief are always at war ? Are the 3-fold beliefs, power of, divinity, triangle, pyramid, etc, more symbolic and divine, that we may have missed, using the conventual aspects of what we are told that a divinity is ? Any coincidences beyond explanation, Helena, are the unknown knowledge of their ‘theme’. Once known, they are understood, and not (abstract) coincidence. I must ask…why has your life been a “charmed” one, “beyond your own doing” ? Is that not passing the buck, acknowledging someone else for the good and bad deeds throughout ones’ life ? much respect ma’am.

    • Posted FriAmerica/Denver2000America/DenverFri, 06 Feb 2015 21:49:45 +0000, C-0700 1423259385thPM at 9:49 pm | Permalink | Reply

      Thank you for your respectful comments and question.

      I feel my life has had good luck, and our married life many coincidences that came out of what others, or the environment, or the situation, or the circumstances produced with no expectation on my or our part. I feel some such good happenings were life saving for members of my family, beyond any intentional actions on my part, but with my taking a vital part in it. I did not and do not say angels did it, or God did it. Only that it was beyond my own doing, and it did happen, in several instances. I have felt protected from the many dangers of life, which seemed to plague others, for all 90 years. I consider this very fortunate, so does my husband. At the same time, I feel far more self directive, and self confident to go ahead and do or speak or write as I see fit as I go along.

      I do not see myself passing the buck of self responsibility, only seeing more going on than I had expected, or can conveniently explain away. At the same time, I tried to live with my own integrity, not a belief system to pull rabbits out of a hat. I can say so much of what I have experienced, and yet not put it in religious terms. It was my choice to spell out my own religious perspective this way. Yours is different, probably,but again thank you for writing.

    • Posted MonAmerica/Denver2000America/DenverMon, 09 Feb 2015 16:53:10 +0000, C-0700 1423500790thPM at 4:53 pm | Permalink | Reply

      It seems now, that my concept of a unit pair existence and functioning in an Interactive circle, is of a whole with the galaxy which is in motion, all along, even though earth moves with it and from earth, we cannot see one relative to the other. But, the galaxy, or cosmic motion is a spiral, a spinning motion, and we are in it.

      Like our solar system puts out flares, now we use electricity, we can see the energy disrupting the energies in our use. The cosmic or galaxy wave front that may occur in cycles, is also disruptive, if not cataclysmal. History has a lot of fossil records of big and sudden changes ages apart, in weather, climate, and even pole changes. With it, humanity was forced to adapt, move locations, change in functioning, and it did make major changes take place quite rapidly in humanity, compared to the smooth going times.

      Well, so much points to this approaching now. Weather for one, and the many impressions so many have for predicting it like the end of the earth, or a sudden spiritual raising of human consciousness. I have my own sense of potential out of some change coming. But, what it if is an actual cyclic cosmic energy wave front, and it does disrupt civilization in its dependence on electrical power, but that the same kind of cyclic cosmic energy wave front has an electrical effect on human beings and our perceptions and brain functioning, and our consciousness. I now think it makes sense, of a whole with other things. But to tie it in with a sense of Divine cause, compared to universal but natural causes, I only can look at the amazing workings of so much as a whole system, far beyond our own doing. Even our own lives and bodies, really, which we so easily can take for granted.

  2. Martin Ensbury
    Posted SunAmerica/Denver2000America/DenverSun, 08 Feb 2015 22:25:16 +0000, C-0700 1423434316thPM at 10:25 pm | Permalink | Reply

    I must, thus, accept your exterior beliefs. In God, coincidence, good luck, others, the situation, or circumstances and the environment helped you with. Is being “non expecting” a prerequisite of orthodox-belief ? Are we thus, not responsible for our “environment” of which we are a part ? Do we just ‘happen’ through life, and experience anything that may occur ? I take nothing from you personally, Helena, for surely you know you have a choice of belief. I take responsibility for my actions and choices. I choose to breathe in my environment, and exhale waste, and organise myself and my family…and am not perfect in doing this. I applaud my inner spirit, intellect, compassion, and ability to love and protect, beyond my ‘local’ nest. We certainly differ in ‘appropriation’ and responsibility.

  3. Posted SunAmerica/Denver2000America/DenverSun, 08 Feb 2015 23:10:34 +0000, C-0700 1423437034thPM at 11:10 pm | Permalink | Reply

    I truly feel I do the same. <<<>> Would it make any difference in this, if I see evolution and creation being a process, which totally explains it all, even out of our own primitive— to present or potential humanity. But I only say, there was a blueprint, and we followed it, and did not author it, in any knowable way. There are groups who think our spark of Divine nature makes us Gods, and God is ourselves. I only see so much more as well. There is a Science pointing to a flow of energy coming in Cosmic terms, not to say spiritual, but out of the galaxy in which our solar system is somewhere spiralling along with all the rest of it. And, like a solar flare affects us, it would be a wave of far more energy to affect our world and us, beyond even the electrical effects we know about. But, with it the changes which might be cataclysmic, also can be foreseen to potentially lift mankind in a way we are not lifting ourselves. But, I still would wonder that it is in a plan, in a blueprint, and with it or without it,there may be individual positions of each of us in our development, and the same kind of a blueprint, to be accessed. That is,however, in no way going against asking about the source of the blueprint,the plan,the waves of energy. Actually, I admire your inquiring mind, or I would not share challenging writing. I again appreciate what you say here. I was a long time following what seemed to be a teachable and shared path like many others, and then out of the blue for me,it changed from what was to and for us all alike, to add what was my own next step. I called this inner guidance, only then.But,it was a smaller or more immediate kind of next step,to often be taken blindly. It may be that I did take only personal steps blindly that you question. What was to all alike was not lost. But, it did come first. By blind,I mean a step wondering, what ground will be under my feet?

  4. Martin Ensbury
    Posted SatAmerica/Denver2000America/DenverSat, 14 Feb 2015 19:45:40 +0000, C-0700 1423943140thPM at 7:45 pm | Permalink | Reply

    Thank you Helena, I now understand a little more. The blueprint idea is very plausible, as, personally I doubt the ‘linear’ path that some announce as “time”. All…has not only ‘happened’, it will once again….such is the cyclical nature of the cosmos. A galactic wave or pulse is plausible also, and it may well affect the electrical circuits within us all. Unlike the 1986 EMP that wiped out much of the eastern seaboard of Canada…and its electronics and lighting. As you mention, we have had easy-times, and grow more in rapidly changing times, thus adapting quicker. I feel we are ready for it…well, some are. Every civilisation has flood ‘myths’, and Noah was living amid another cyclical one. Dredging ‘Doggerland’ twixt UK and Finland, netting mammoth tusks and tools, and drilling for North Sea oil, we were once connected to Europe, forests grew and we were evolving, as we were once connected to France. Thus…the ‘non-believers’ perished, etc. Therefore, the ‘believers’ who adapt actively, are more enlightened than others’. Their knowledge and stories carry us on…even though the pessimists will downgrade many to ‘myth’. Yes…we are certainly a “process”.

    • Posted SatAmerica/Denver2000America/DenverSat, 14 Feb 2015 20:45:10 +0000, C-0700 1423946710thPM at 8:45 pm | Permalink | Reply

      Thank you Martin, I seem to access impressions out of my unconscious, or even a deeper kind of consciousness others can plumb in depth too. It is like a thread, with nothing in words, but I can pull on it,and it slowly comes up to go into words. I see this larger picture, and the energy flow, like just a thought in passing. But if I lose it,it comes back to me a bit differently, or strongly. I feel it foresees what is coming for humanity,and for individuals and for me. It feels imperative when it is coming up, by that it bubbles up with an energy of importance, so I would be hard put it ignore it. I also have a criteria that, it is on a need to know basis. By that, I mean it will not be something broadcast or that someone wants me to pay attention to, and it will not be my own wish to look at stuff that does not concern me, even if I might want to stick my nose in where it does not belong. It is imperative, and it is on a need to know basis. But, it only comes up when it comes up for me. I miss it for long periods of time. But, when it does come up, it is real, and undeniable. But it is like conjecture, with nothing at all to back it up. But,this time, it was some of what I had foreseen coming, verified by what others have to say, and ways some of it is coming about even now. It went into words more clearly. It is inner guidance too. In my daily life, I must follow through on what is my part here in this situation, and these relationships. But I have to see this and take it on for myself, no one tells me what to do, or when to do it, but how to do it may come when I could not see how. My daily life is not left out of it. But there is a source, and many different ways describe what it may be, or where the sometimes intense energy comes from which puts it across. I cannot define this, and cannot argue what it is or is not. But with it, death is not an end to this order of living and existing. How could death be feared?

      • Martin Ensbury
        Posted MonAmerica/Denver2000America/DenverMon, 16 Feb 2015 21:54:12 +0000, C-0700 1424123652thPM at 9:54 pm | Permalink

        Indeed, Helena, death is feared on the platform of ego-based ignorance. ‘Change’ is the same profundity for the same-minded folk. Both orthodox, or other, belief-systems, and latterly, science and ‘truth’ are equally implicated on the ‘safe’ and boxed systems we employ, generally, to find ‘order’ in our lives. nothing dies, only changes. Even at the physical level, we burn/rot and thus provide ‘life’ elsewhere. Spiritually we do the same. We are a process, moving over the stepping-stones of incarnation. Not ‘our’ incarnation, but the evolvement of everything, of which we form a part. We are only anything for a fixed experience of it/them. Only the human-condition, likes to pronounce a start and an end. It seems to satisfy the ego. Our hearts beat 8 months pre-birth…thus, birth is an experience. I feel all knowledge is ‘out there’, and the sensitive tap in more easily than those not so. Are the periods of ‘time’ you mention, merely an expression of periods of magnified consciousness / being less cosmically-conscious ? The stream you say, is a good analogy, on your other blog, with ‘depth’ and ‘bubbles’ on this. (water sign ?) I chose not to say a ‘higher’ consciousness, for this may elude to ‘one-upmanship’, to some. To me, it is simply becoming more aware than the norm of ones being. How do you define ‘vibrations’ ?

  5. Posted MonAmerica/Denver2000America/DenverMon, 16 Feb 2015 22:29:32 +0000, C-0700 1424125772thPM at 10:29 pm | Permalink | Reply

    Like music, vibrations are in harmony, in many ways, but out of sync or out of harmony in other ways. There are purposes for each. An alignment is to be in harmony, or on a compatible or same wave length. Not just in one line, necessarily, but that is a simple way to see it. I see structure build up from a point to two points, and thus a line, then three points, and a plane, then another point, and it produces a 3D effect, within a space with definitions, and a perimeter of some kind. At the point of definition, dimensions, defined space to be in or out of, vibrations connect things, people, events, or they can be disconnected. For me it is pretty mathematical, but still a way things work.

    I am not satisfied with this as an answer or a definition. Let me try another tack, ie approach.

    The energies which come in from a source that I will not attempt to define, vibrates at such high rate, or speed, as to not be definable to me, but I can tune to certain harmonics that are aligned with it. I never see the real source, each harmonic has its own use and definition, and nature, the main ones are a life energy, a relating or a love energy and a light energy, and pretty much, anything else is another harmonic or derivative of one of these, or a way they are merged and inseparable at their source.and in our existence as well. We do not exist without all of these in our use, in one way or another. Any functioning, uses these energies. I use a term, LLL to mean an integration or merged use of the energies as a whole. That would be a best kind of a vibration rate in use. Very compatible with others, and into situations. But, the same thing goes into words like the “golden rule”, do unto others as you would have done unto you.

  6. Martin Ensbury
    Posted TueAmerica/Denver2000America/DenverTue, 17 Feb 2015 20:50:29 +0000, C-0700 1424206229thPM at 8:50 pm | Permalink | Reply

    Are all the vibrations and subsequent harmonies we experience, aspects of ‘self’ ? Without ears, we hear no music…without eyes, we never discover light. I agree the ignominy and disparity of the trinity, when there should be 4. “Father/son/holy spirit”….. born within the incarnation of women also…..and we are asked to preclude a woman from what is “holy”. Even 3D is a human-concept, which may show some dimensions, yet betrays those which we cannot. I find most knowledge fascinating in a limited pretext, yet comparatively boring regarding our ignorance of what we are yet to assimilate.

  7. Posted ThuAmerica/Denver1000America/DenverThu, 25 Jan 2018 21:20:39 +0000, C-0700 1516915239thPM at 9:20 pm | Permalink | Reply

    I love this:

    “Well, early on in human evolution, historically so, all humans saw the Feminine as God, and worshiped accordingly. But today, we have been largely denying it as pagan, and women look down on themselves for not being like men. Men begin to look down on them too, or to put them on a pedestal, and idealize what they are, without wanting to know who and what they really are as individuals in their own right. No generalization is true or fair to everyone, but it does speak in a real way of the whole.”

    Have never heard it described quite this way. Thank you for your light.💕

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