My Sense of the Divine

I am trying to think of how to write about Jesus Christ, as he is held to be part of the Divine Trinity.  There is a question too, of the position of the Mother to the Father, and to the Divine Trinity.  And, written separately, The Holy Spirit can lead us to take part in the larger purpose of God, which we cannot fully understand.  We just can do our part.

My inner guidance has pictured it that, in our earthly lives, we are starting in our development, and for us, there are parts of life in which the mother has an upper position, in the home, in childbearing, and in early child rearing.  She does this in a largely receptive and responsive way, but at the same time, she is in charge, encompassing her family and children, as she also supports them in what they are becoming, as they gradually grow up and can stand on their  own two feet.  She seems to see things looking out on all sides, to everyone who is part of their area she feels responsible in.  When it is for someone else, like an older child, or a husband, to do certain things, be responsible in certain ways, she expects it of them and depends on them to do their part.

At the same time, a man has a very different way of looking at life, and having a responsibility in it.  Parents need each other, and neither  one is as good at the part the other has as natural to them.  But, we as a human race, have not yet learned how to share our responsibilities that way.  But, God has made us in their image.  Men and women.  I believe the Bible says it is in Their image, Our own image.  Man without woman does not inherit and populate the world, and Woman, without man, also does not inherit or populate the world. God is not possibly only male, but there is a Father aspect and a Mother aspect, and they are very different.

I had divine inner guidance from each, just as I benefited from having both a Father and a Mother.  As a Father guiding me, it was as if in a vertical way, lower and higher things I might be and do.  And the guidance was for my highest aspirations, ability, knowledge, the best I might have in me.  It left the impression that I was always lacking, falling short, not quite good enough, lower in my nature and actions than was expected and wanted  of me.   But at the same time, As a Mother guiding me, she related to me just as I am at that very moment, and only guiding me for a next smallest step to take in a right direction.  In this, I was always succeeding, at least sooner or later.  I could see myself getting somewhere, and looking forward to a next step in a right direction, without always only seeing a highest goal I might sometime reach, and yet that higher aspiration becoming more and more possible.

To put it in a different way, The Father had the same potential and promise and intention for every one, not just for me.   The mother knew about it, but as a Divine Mother, she related to ME, alone, for right where I was that moment, and only expected a next right direction small step of me, here and now, always.   But, the Father knew about that too.  As Divine parents they knew it was from both of them, to all of us and to each of us.  A highest aspiration goal is not all we look to.  Yet the smallest next step is necessary, but never the completion of going in a right direction.

We, as human beings, with our religions,  do not know that yet.  As human beings, we have not been able to establish our relations with each other with that kind  of trust and cooperation yet.  Our Religions see  God as the way our guidance is from The Father only, to each and everyone, and can lose sight of or think less of the way a Mother guides us into becoming the unique person we can be, in little one step at a time ways.  Men can see this in wives and mothers as a pandering weakness, expecting too little. It hardly can seem that a Divine aspect can be of only that nature. Women can see this in men as always expecting too much, before we as children are capable of it.

PS as I am rereading and thinking about this now, date Feb, 2015 my husband and I talked about this, and for our differences in conversation, he said women in general  talk about trivial things.  When I objected, he said he meant trivia, but I suggested it was that women talk about and care about personal relationships and understanding, compared to what seemed more important immediately into the outside world. He agreed, but added that he thought only he kept forgetting about the on-goings of the relatives and children. I assured him, no it is at least generally a difference of a male priority. 

Well, early on in human evolution, historically so, all humans  saw the Feminine as God, and worshiped accordingly.  But today, we have been largely denying it as pagan, and women look down on themselves for not being like men.  Men begin to look down  on them too, or to put them on a pedestal, and idealize what they are, without wanting to know who and what they really are as individuals in their own right.  No generalization is true or fair to everyone, but it does speak in a real way of the whole.

It is just how far along we have come toward our equality by valuing and realizing it is our differences which make us what we are, and Parents, together, what they need to be for and to a family.  We seem to be moving away from recognizing the value of such differences, and trying to be all alike

God is and can be like this human nature to us.  We cannot see it,  because we are not even recognizing it is possible.

So, the Mother and Father, together, are our parents, not just a Father as an aspect of Divinity but both as our parents.  We are waking up to this, but it was not spelled out in our Bible, even if it was in our evolution history.  We left the past behind, and yet it was our own growth in early humanity.

Now, I want to speak of Jesus Christ, as He is said to be part of our masculine oriented Divinity.

He is generally seen to be Divine in his own right, yet as an only first born son, as well.  But, he was also  a man, too, and this is known in the Bible, but  generally ignored in our religion, compared to his Divinity.   His actual Ministry was in the last 3 years of his life, as if God took over totally, and he was no longer a man.  But, he also still was a man, to the end.

And he demonstrated and was an example of being the firstborn son of God, and with it, like an oldest son in a family here on earth, took up the cause of the father, beside him and with him, toward the family.  He did not say he was taking the Father’s place as an equal, but taking his own place as the first human being to realize and to be recognized as a son of God.  He did not say, “and I am the only son of God ever”, but  he was the only firstborn son in the family of God.

I have been guided in a lifetime process that seems to be growing up, as if I was first to obey, unquestioning, and even blindly, as if I could not see for myself yet at all.  This was with parents and in my sense of the Divine.

In time, in my awakening process, my questioning was welcomed, even if the answer not understood became “because I said so”.

Then in time, I was encouraged to understand, to know why, as I was also exposed to many others ready to tell me what to believe or do.

In time again, over  years of my life, my inner guidance seemed to wait and pause, and delay, until I had to begin to ask God if I could offer to do this or that, and for awhile, during some years, an impression would come,  yes, or no, or “OK, it would not be asked of you but, it takes you in the right direction”.

I thought of this as a dark night of my soul, it came to when I got no impression as if an answer or feeling about it at all.   But, finally, I decided, well then I will go ahead, write, act, do as seems best to me, and hope for the best, but please God, stop me if I am making a big mistake.  I have been stopped at times, believe me.

But, I have also had further impressions, I had first been guided to become true to myself, to discover and admit who I am, not perfect, only human, but growing up.  I had to begin and to learn to trust myself.

But guidance went on, as if I can be trusted  by God, as a daughter in my own individual right, and I have to learn to trust myself. I mean it as if it is like being an older daughter in a human family, where they begin to take on responsibilities as and of their own.

With this comes responsibility not at all to claim divinity for myself, I can only claim that I am finally learning to BE myself.  I am not perfect, there are potentials to attain, more maturity to gain, but I stand only on my own two feet as who I am, with my sense of direction still putting next steps in front of me—-more rapidly, it does seem,—–but then, I am 90 by now.  I did not waste a lot of my life on making mistakes, but, I sure did learn some things the hard way.

But I was guided to be more responsible about the part I might have in living my ordinary life in a way that would also be a part taken in a larger purpose, from God, that I did not really understand.    I am not trying to do this spiritually in a large group of spiritually minded people, not even a church group, it is just how I live my own life that does in some way beyond my own doing, take part in something larger.  I do not direct this my self.  I only live my own life as best I can.  And yet, often there are coincidences, and ways that everyone else in a situation seems to take part it in too, and it is of benefit to all who are touched by it.  This I see as the working of the Holy Spirit.

But, I feel that the life of the Man, Jesus the Christ, was telling us all, we are to grow  up, and become the individual children of God growing up to be sons and daughters in our own lives, here and now.  And, that is more like entering our teens than it is the maturity that may be and would be ahead of us as we continue to grow up.  Not the Divinity we have accorded the first  born son, but the child he was who grew up to know this as who he was.  The man he was, for all of his life.   He opened a way for us to grow up and be sons and daughters in the family of God.

I realize that we all are led as children who must obey,  as if to crawl before walking, or  running. It is essential to follow the process we are on.  I was younger when  I had to to crawl.  And, for me then, Religion spoke to me as to all of us alike, and I was part of a group in what I learned, and none of it was individual.  So, this remains true of the whole of humanity, even as we take our different paths and steps.  We were and remain the children of Divine creating parents, every human being, but we are growing up all the time at our own pace.  I only claim, at age 90, as I could not at 20, or 50, or even at 85, I have been growing up.

I also wanted to describe my experiences when I felt I was able to be taking  part in a much larger way that the Holy Spirit seems to move in our lives, together.   There can be coincides beyond explanation, but it is also just a way a family or a person can tune in  to what is much larger than their own purposes.  Then the immediate situation is seeming to work to the same purpose in which we only have our part.   It is too much for this posting. But, as we can be geared to it, we can also be working against it.  Wars as examples.  When evil somehow takes hold of the hearts and minds of people, out of our own fears and condemnation and hatred.  In that sense, I feel I have lived a charmed, or blessed life. Beyond my own  doing.