Experiencing negation


In my earliest memory of an experience, I had been playing at my Grandmother’s home, when I must have been less than 4.  I went into the neighbor’s next field, and found a low spot in which I could lie down and look up to the flowers.  In long grass, they had very long stems.  A girl came there, and wanted to play with  me.  She was older.  She picked dandelions, and showed me how to make a braid,  One over of three, from one  side then the other.  Then she measured her braid and mine for  going around our heads, and showed me how  to braid into the starting  end of the strand to close the braid into a circle, to make a crown to wear.  When she left, I went home  and showed grandma my crown.

She asked  questions of me.  Who was  the girl, what did she look like, and how was she dressed?  Then,  she erupted in fear and anger, and told me that the  girl had  died of  a fever years before, and was  buried there.  I only knew  she  was real to me, even touching my hands to show me how to braid.  I was  told to never go there again, and I did not.  But, I only thought of it as having gone into the neighbor’s field, and maybe grandma thought I might  catch the girl’s fever.    I did not know she was fearful as she seemed angry.

I only went  back there after  I was married,  remembering this, and looking for  the place, but that field had been plowed  over for many years by then.  I told my husband and tried to show him the place, but could not.

 

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