Success

I posted that. I am so sorry that I missed seeing and acknowledging your notes, letters and comments. I will try to find them all, but I need to hope some of you will email me at helenajessieackley@Outlook.com or helenaackley@ymail.com

That is enough for now.

Spirit Body Mind Soul Integration

I want to send word to those who commented over time, that I have lost control of this site,and only can hope to post this now. I saw there were many comments going back in time, and notice went to a closed email address. Or that is the only explanation I can think of. I tried to answer some, and did, but cannot get back to it. It is as if i am a stranger here, and cannot find or do anything. I wrote yesterday and thought I posted it, but not.

Crucifixion

The Crucifixion Dream, of 1962,  completing 5 dreams

The young man and I went to the back of the yard, and brought the old woman from the car into the back yard.  Then we brought both the old woman and old man to the center of the large backyard.   They had nothing to say.  We then brought the girl child and boy child to the center as well.  Next we also brought the very normal male and female dogs to the center as well, with myself and the young man.

I want to mention that the best description of such archetypal figures representing aspects of our selves is in Carl Jung’s teachings, and his many books.

 I went on to understand that the male figures, and any female figure as well, was also a kind of doorway through which people could relate to me, connect to me, into my mind, my soul, relative to my own body, and even to my own spirit.  As relating to me, and as oneness with me, but still as an intrusion I could accept as part of myself.  Beliefs are taken in that way, as our own.  Connections with people can be almost locked in that way. 

My mother and grandmother had related to me through the old woman archetype so it seemed to come from, and even be from my own mind. 

My girlfriend’s father had his hold on her and perhaps an impact on me, along with others, through the old man archetype of the mind. 

Even the dogs were representative of human beings, if the people could have been in a position of developing their souls, but were without the spiritual essence inhabiting them.

It seemed that to honor and follow the instinctive animal behavior as a mother, or as mates, or to know the difference when force was in play, not nature, was innate to the animals.  Not as much for people. 

But, there was also the conflict between the old woman and old man to be understood and considered.

With all 4 of the archetype pairs in the center, first, I directed with my hands on, with the male assisting me, for the old man archetype to stand at the center and to hold his arms out firmly from side to side, facing the spiritual side of the area   Then, we picked up the woman, and placed her across his arms.  We told them something, and the meaning of it was like this. 

The man’s mind works vertically.  He can see the specifics, and get right to the point.   He has defining highest or lowest ideas and ideals.   But he also has to be supportive to the woman. 

She can see widely, she can see horizontally, out in all directions, and for what others intend and are doing.  She will include others in every decision, and he cannot do this unless he listens to her and supports her in her thinking and feelings.  But, she will lack the immediate focus, but see the next small step that can be taken by someone, not necessarily herself.  She also needs to listen to him.   

They are a team, because neither one can be balanced and whole in what they are and in what they do, without each other.  Each one alone can be out of balance, or go to some extreme or another.  I have since believed this to be true in human nature.

I am sure that in the dream, I spoke for the female, and the young man spoke for the male.  It seemed more mental than out loud.  We had to know this before we could get to that point.  Again, this could well have been a Divine interaction on our behalf.

The young man represented the Spirit of a man, a doorway in relating.    But, he was my own archetype, my own doorway to the spirit of a man relating to me.  I spell this out, because it was not to all spirit, or to God, it was for a relationship connection.  It was an archetype.  But I did not recognize him. 

Next, and this seemed strange at the time, even in the dream.  I “required” of him, that he crucify me on this cross, as if to make my own Spirit become linked to the teamwork of this mind pair.  It did not hurt, but he hated to do it.  Then, when I came down, he seemed to require it of me that I also crucify him on this same cross.  I hated to do it, but I did so.  It seemed to lock in that we knew the male and female relating and individual spirits had to accept this teamwork of minds.  When he came down, the older pair also separated from being positioned as a cross.   The name of this dream was and is

THE CRUCIFIXION.

Then, we all formed a centered circle; I was on the left, holding the young man’s archetypal Spirit  left hand with my right hand.  He held the old woman’s Left hand, as she held the old man’s hand, and on around to the children.  The old man held the hand of the girl, and she held the boy’s hand.  The boy child held the “hand “ of the female dog, and she held the “hand” of the male dog.  As I completed the circle, the male dog and female dog were immediately a young man and woman, about the age of puberty.  With my left hand, I held the right hand of the young man, who had been the dog.

I understood this as a process of evolving in a Body and Soul and Mind with Spirit directive, to be fully human.  As if a lower nature had still been in them until this uniting wholeness. But the Spirit needs this wholeness

With this, I was suddenly above and beyond this circle, and could see all of the figures, even the ones representative of both of all of the archetypal aspects looking up at us, Spirits included.

I felt that all humans, — each and all — had been created to have all these aspects of self, Spirit, Mind, Soul and Body

I was not just a spirit, without a mind, or without a soul, nor even without a body.  I was a whole.  I had the 8 archetypes, not just the female ones, and a man would have all 8, not just the male ones.  His archetypes would reflect his own life experiences, his own open doorways.  But, we each could become whole.  The 8 archetypes would exist in both individuals, and relating through them would be to all others, men and women alike.  We were whole, above, looking on.  

Yet, I was alone.  I called it my Individuation, my integration as an individual.  Yet it seemed to represent the man’s integration as an individual then as well. 

I might add that even the spiritual archetype is an open doorway for others to enter us, and influence us, without our realizing it. It seemed to be the closing of the male spiritual archetype position as a doorway, which cut off the psychic attack on my son.  Yet that attack came as if the source wanted no one to relate to me but himself, in any archetype.

The change of my viewpoint seemed to be one of the spirit’s viewpoint, but there was a wholeness of being, linked by minds to each other, and with this recognition of our human nature, and childlike nature, as an eternal and integrated part of our wholeness. Body Mind and Soul.  We each were created as a Spirit with a body soul and mind as aspects of our being. 

We were to become a Spirit with a mind, with building a soul, and with a body.  But, for living, no one is an island unto themselves.  All of these are also ways others can and do connect to and with us.  I came to feel it is a created potential, for everyone. A wholeness for each person only as the human nature of living can connect people.

In Spirit, it may seem like being a drop in an ocean, and we are not sorted out of it.  But, life sorts us out, like an evaporating vapor forms a drop of rain.  The accomplishment of all this seemed to be individual integration, at a level of seeing the need to begin Kindergarten 101. All we knew was in question.

Start of 5th and Last Dream

I was walking down the dirt road to the old farmhouse where I was living as a child.  I was about 21.   I approached the back yard, and the road and property had  been flooded.   At my right, the ditch next to our garden was still emptying out from the flood, and a very large and beautiful golden carp was stranded there, struggling in mud, trying to breathe.  This was like actual happenings from other real floods.   People would come in from miles around the area with scooping nets to catch live fish to save into containers of fresh water to take home for food.  It was also good in comparison to living next to ditches and low spots smelling like dead fish for quite some time.

I caught this golden carp in my arms, and carried him across the road to where the flood waters were draining toward the deeper water of the Creek.  Of course he did not know what was happening, and struggled against what I was doing.  I thought of it as being put back into the unconscious depths of being where life was supported for all things.  I walked in deeply enough to let him go free where he could swim to safety.  

I was all slimy and muddy from doing this, but as I went to cross back over the road, I was clean and dry as all the visible area was then.  There was a young man beside me, whom I did not know.  He seemed to be my age.  But, he joined me in where I was going.

We entered the back yard together, yet it was not at all like the actual old farm house or its garden, or back yard.  It was much more well defined, squared off and large.  At my left, we saw a boxy farm house, and walked over to it.  It seemed to be a duplex, and the door to the right hand side of it was open.  I went in, but it seems the young man went with me.   

We walked into an old time kitchen, with a big well supplied pantry, and out into the right hand side of that part of the building into a dining room and living room, all furnished ready for use.  But, it all appeared as if no one had ever lived there.  At the end of these rooms, there were windows to what appeared to be a front lawn and garden with distant scenery.  At the end of those rooms, I went left, out into an entry way with a lovely front door, and behind us, a stairway going up. 

I went to the front door and opened it, but a huge black dog with red eyes stood there and put his feet up against me and would not let me walk out.  I could tell, he wanted to own me, not the two of us, and he would kill me before he would release me from this threat.   I shut the door.  

Then the two of us went upstairs to two bedrooms.  It was there that it clearly appeared to be a duplex, as there had been no interior opening to the other half of the boxy building.  The beds were made, and we looked in closets.  There were clothes there for a family, no one in particular.  Not necessarily myself or us.   We went back out the way we came in.  

The dream ended, and another followed the next night.

We were there in the back yard again.  We saw a little girl and a little boy, perhaps age 6 or so.  They were just inside the fence on the opposite side of the back yard from where we originally entered.  Behind them was a dense forest.  They seemed to be waiting for us.  I made a radio in my hands and gave it to the little girl for her to use for the both of them.  I felt it would give them guidance.  She began to listen to it, and the boy with her could hear it too, or she would tell him about it.  I felt I had already done something with that meaning and functioning, but this was more a functional symbol of it.

But, instantly, a very angry older man rushed in from the far right side of the back yard.  He  came from the side I understood to be from the mind’s functioning.  He dashed the radio to the ground and stomped on it, and forbade me from ever giving that to her again.  I calmly answered, that he could not destroy what I could create, and I intended for her to have it.  I made it for her again and gave it to her again.  His anger was only addressed toward me, not at the children.  But, they would not have seen this difference.  They cowered from him.  But the children kept the radio in use. 

In the dream, this man appeared to be like the father of one of my friends.  The real person had actually been a very dominating man in the name of his religion, and forbade my girlfriend from seeing the man she was in love with, because he was of a different religion.   In the end, she did marry another man her father approved of, and soon became totally estranged from her whole family.   The family suffered terribly in their relating every one with every other one.  My friend’s family did well, but when she became a widow, she gravitated into a cult like religion much the same as her father had enforced.  

Next in the dream, the angry old man threatened me as if telling me SHE was out behind the fence, waiting in the car, and if I would not listen to him, I sure as hell would have to listen to HER.  

The dream ended then, for that night.

As the dream continued the next night, I went back to the fence with him, and saw an older woman in the car.  He told me, she will tell you this, and she will tell you that, just wait and see.  But, I was looking at her face, and her face was telling me that she would not ever say what he was saying was coming from her.  She was unable to talk, because he was talking for her, as if speaking on her behalf.  But, in effect, he was holding her silent.  I confronted him, and told him that he was only trying to put words in her mouth, and it was nothing at all that she would say herself.  I told him that he was dominating her and claiming to be a spokesman on her behalf.  I told him that I was going to ignore him, and try to help her to become able to speak for herself.  The older woman was still not in the backyard; she was in a car outside of the fence.  At that we left them.  The young man was with me, and seemed to be supportive to me, through all of this.  

But, the dream ended for that night.

As the dream continued the next night, there also were very disturbing events in my family.  I would have to call it a family crisis.  Some about it was very strange, and not part of the dream.  Yet, it was part of what the dream meant.

As we went back to the center of the back yard, the huge black dog with the red eyes came around the right hand side of the house with his female mate.  She was the small black dog I had seen to be myself in the second dream, representative of the soul functioning without the spirit inhabiting it.  They came up to the central area where we were, and mated, and she became pregnant with a litter of pups.  I was thinking it was not good for the children to see this, but then, I had been brought up on a farm, and such events with the animals were commonplace.  But, these dogs seemed to be representative of myself, or of people who are living without spirit, and with only the animal nature.  I did not want the children to be affected by them.  The children watched, took it all in, and I only hoped it was good for them to learn from, and not harming them.

Then, the mother dog had her pups, and began to nurse them.  But, as she cared for them, the male left everything for her to do, to find food, to be nourished herself. He seemed to be watching with a critical eye, ready to nip at her for anything he did not like.  He also seemed to own her, and the pups were in his way.  As she cared for the pups, she became more and more emaciated, her flesh even began to be rotten, with maggots in her sores, but the pups were thriving at her expense.  She appeared to be near death.  Suddenly, the male ate two of the 4 pups, and it seemed that he required her to eat the other two of the 4 pups.  At that, she was healthy again, at their expense.  But he also appeared to be a normal dog himself, no longer so huge and with red eyes.  But, he was ready for sex with her again, not that he had puppies in mind, but just for sex with her.  She also seemed like a dog just coming into heat for the first time ever.  They seemed just like any normal male and female dog pair following their instincts.

I did not at all understand this.  Even animals are not like that with their young. Some are, but seldom the females. I could not fathom how this with the dogs could have meaning for me.  I could see how we might destroy our children by our mistaken ways of parenting, but this seemed intentional, or as if the male had been of an evil nature, and those offspring were not viable.  

The dream ended abruptly then, 

with my middle son, on his 15th birthday, screaming in his sleep.  My husband also was waking up from a bad dream, as he sometimes had before.

There was one more concluding dream in this same setting, just continuing on, but it came about a week or more later.  Right then, there was this family crisis.

The Family Crisis

I went to my son in the middle of the night as he was having convulsions for the only time in his life before or after.  It had been his 15th birthday, he had not been ill that evening, but was running a temperature of 105 degrees.   I could not handle him, and he even bit me.  He seemed to be terrified.  I called my husband, and together, we got him into a cool tub of water and called the Doctor. 

Actually, our Doctor lived across the street, and our older two sons were both occasional baby sitters for them.  So, he came right over to the house.  He stayed with us for quite awhile.  The boy’s convulsions stopped as his fever came down, but he talked as if in a delirium. 

But, it scared me terribly because I could recognize what he was babbling about as if it had come right out of my dream. But, there was more too, he was saying that someone was attacking him, and trying to drive him out of his own mind.  He also said that he had to keep counting to higher and higher numbers, as the only way to hang on. 
At this my husband said, for the only time he ever had mentioned it, that this was the bad dream he had repeatedly as a child, and that he had just been having it then as we all waked up.  

Before the Doctor left, he said he had seen this happen before, and it is a family crisis, not just the boy’s fever.  He said he would probably be OK by morning, and relatively, he was.  The Dr. wanted me to take a tranquilizer and try to get some sleep.  I did not dare to go back to sleep and I was afraid to dream.

As the aftermath, our son was in a daze the next day, and only pulled out of it  completely over about a week.  He had no fever, but when he would just sit, he would start to go back into that terrified state.  It was the only time I ever asked my husband to stay home from work with us that next day.  

Yet I did seem to know what to do.

 I told my husband that we had to start asking our son what HE wanted to do, and then ask him to think how to do it, NOT tell him how to do it.  In a long standing way his father had felt it was his responsibility to be in charge of his sons, until he felt they were adults.  But, it did not give them the gradual freedom to learn self responsibility for themselves.  

Our 17 year old son had gone through these growing pains the hard way when he was about 15, with much rebellion and restrictive punishment.   But our middle son was still trying to be and do just as he was told.  Our youngest son was only 9, and went back to sleep through this turmoil. 

For this middle son, it had been a problem already, with his brother and other kids ready to order him about as a joke. The older son had been pushing him to rebel. 

But, until then, I had not felt I could tell my husband what to do.  Now, I had to do so.  When I did, he agreed to do this, and it helped.  

This son had been the most obedient kid you could imagine, as if he did not have a rebellious bone in his body.  But, he seemed to be trying to be and to do what others wanted.  

During the days of that week, we moved his older brother into the basement recreation room, and gave this son his room, and insisted he start to plan on paint and new curtains, new decorations, anything to make it his own.  At first, he could hardly think this way, but my husband and I both backed off of telling him a thing, and insisting it was up to him. 

He was home from school all week, and I had him help plan and prepare the meals, even though we did end up having fried chicken almost every night.  I asked his help on everything, setting the table, doing dishes, picking up wet towels, running laundry, cleaning and straightening up, anything and everything. 

He and I shopped for new clothes for him, and I kept making him pick them out.  I kept him so busy he did not have time to sit and go into a funk. 

By the end of the week, the Doctor specifically asked for him to be their baby sitter.  I went over and talked to him about it, because I was afraid he would fall back into the state of mind he had been in, if he was only there to “sit”.  But, the Dr. assured me that trust and responsibility was just what he needed, he would be just fine.  And he was.

In fact, I don’t think the Dr ever charged us for any of this, and we never even asked about a bill.  I have often wondered, how on earth had he ever known of such a thing happening to some other family?

I did not realize it at the time, but I began to see that he must have noticed behavior of the boys when they were over there baby sitting, and the boys may have talked with him as well.  He had the opportunity to see or hear about this for himself.

Our son did  just fine baby sitting, and in fact, over the next few weeks, he “came out of a shell”, did great at school and with his friends.  He and a best friend bought new clothes together and dressed alike at school.   This got the best kind of attention from all the other kids.  Dating started, and he got a part time job too, for extra money beyond his “allowance”.  

But, there was still that sense of our son having felt he was being attacked.  There was also my husbands recurring nightmare with our son having the same dream at the same time.   What had happened?

When I had psychic powers for three years, (as mentioned in earlier dreams), I had psychic friends who had recognized this about me.  In particular, one woman who lived in the area, maybe 30 or so miles away, often had been coming to visit me.  And, there had been two guys too, with whom I had corresponded but never met. 

 
I received a letter following these events during the next week from the one man saying that he had “tuned in” on me, and that some other psychic was trying to cut off his contact with me, and he himself had really been clobbered and put in his place.  He even told me that there was some impression of the guy counting to very high numbers, to keep him from getting at the other man.  I wrote back and told him he had attacked my own family, not some other psychic.  He told me that was ridiculous.

My response to it at the time it was happening, had been to prayerfully picture as if I put up a mirror all around myself and my family,  and reflected any attack back to whomever, whatever and wherever and when ever any attack was thrown at my family or me from anywhere. 

It had been reminiscent of the energy of the huge black dog with red eyes. It was meant to hold me in a limiting place, and with no one else coming between. I was not to be hurt by it, but anyone who seemed to be in the way of that relating to me, was a target. 

At the time I prayed to win free of such a psychic contact.  I wanted that kind of window which had been open in me to shut out any such use of psychic power, and if I had been a channel for it to my family, I wanted that to never be possible again. I would far rather give up and lose such power forever than have it attack my family that way. If it had been handled poorly, perhaps our son might have not recovered from it.  

Medically, if our son had not recovered, the medical reasons given would have been his high fever and convulsions.  He was always very receptive, picked up on people’s feelings, emotions and confusions, and became extremely able to help them. He became a Doctor of Psychology, and works in that field even now past retirement age.

He and his eventual family never saw it as I had, and referred to it as his psychotic episode. 

My husband never quite believed in psychic powers, but his recurring childhood nightmare suggests  he had fought something like that off when he was a child.

The man who said he had fought another psychic told me that he was burned out, and never had any psychic power again.  

I did not realize until two years later that this willingness to renounce such power is the way to get it under control, to learn how to use it without side effects.

I was given to know that we cannot renounce the gift of Spiritual Functioning.  We are to learn how it is to be used.  It will only be our own part in what is done, but we do have to learn how to use that Spiritual gift.  I do not know if everyone would have to learn this the hard way, as I did.  I can hope that the intention to try to use the psychic powers wisely and well for the benefit of others, and not to show off or take advantage, would protect themselves and their loved ones from harm.   But, many do seem to ask how to protect themselves from psychic attack.  My experience is, learn how to use this as spiritual power, with guidance and asking to be stopped if you are going wrong, or doing harm.  Watch out for the unexpected side effects.

Pinafore for Easter

On Tuesday, January 21, 2020, 12:52:58 PM MST, Helena Ackley <helenaackley@ymail.com> wrote:

I figured out my age for this last night.  Carlton was born 21 months after myself.  Mother, as before and after, had nearly died in childbirth, and was in recovery for 6 months.  Either grandma was “not on speaking terms” with my parents, or Carlton’s birth was sooner than expected, and he was born at home, not at Grandma’s house. However, he was not premature.  A friend / neighbor was asked to take care of Mother, and a Doctor came to the house for the delivery because of her medical history.  usually, other women, or a midwife helped with home deliveries. It was as an adult that I heard that she had many stitches both inside and out, for this birth, and he was about 9 pounds.

Auntie Mae. the friend, had several children, but the youngest two, were Eleanor and Beatrice, with whom I was delighted to play, as I was immediately going into the care of the older children at their home.
But, very soon, Auntie Mae refused to take me for care in her home, because of how I talked, because her youngest children were learning it from me.  I was not 2 yet, and only knew some words and phrases, and I was very distraught and crying about this.  But, my Dad had to take me to stay with Grandma, instead.  It appeared then, she too did not like the way I talked.  But, she explained it was bad words, and if I would learn not to say those words, she would make me a white pinafore to go with a new dress for Easter. 

I did learn and I did get both a new dress and a beautiful white pinafore to go over it.  I was delighted, and I had remembered this all my life as wonderful.   I had learned many more words and could talk in sentences by the time I went home, 8 or 9 months later, but I was 3 by then.  People would shake my hand and really talk to me.  Then, in overhearing conversations, I learned why these words had been bad. 

I used to sing, Baby is a Sailor boy, and Daddy had been in the Navy.  I had picked up some cuss words, and everyone would laugh, Dad, and Mother too, and most other people, but NOT Grandma and Grandpa, or Auntie Mae.  But, by the time I came home, on Easter Sunday, both of my  parents thanked Grandma, and they all began to be “on speaking terms” again.
It meant a lot to me for people to like how I talked then, and no one laughed at me, either.  I have never had cuss words in my language, I say “shoot” sometimes, even “Darn it”.  And, it seems no one cusses where I could hear it, to this day.  Now, the words are sure different and heard all over.

The Tree Lady by Helena December 19, 2019, 6:19:23 PM MST, Helena Ackley wrote: Our whole family went back on our first vacation to my parents, in 1960. I dreamed I was awake, and heard a little girl crying. I was very aware of where my sons were sleeping, and how old they were, and that it was not any of them, it was a girl. My husband and I were in a bedroom next to the room I slept in when I was 5. I dreamed I went into that room, and it was like my room had been then. I talked for most of the night with the little girl, whom I did not recognize. I told her she could remember me talking to her, and what I had said when she heard the wind blowing the leaves in the tree outside her window. I thought I had been awake all night. I was comforting her. In the morning I told Art, but he had not heard her, and told me that I must have been dreaming.. So, we went into that room. It was full as a store room by then. It was a shock to me. But as we went down to breakfast, a memory was sparked. I asked my parents if I had talked about “The Tree Lady” to them when I was about 5, and first slept alone in my own bedroom. They both brightened right up and told me YES, and they were very relieved about it, and thought it must be my guardian angel. I asked if I had told them anything she had said, and they said, no, but it was all about my fears, or what I may have cried about the day before, and the way I seemed to be comforted, and felt safe and told them that she had watched over me. They thought my nightmares ended then too. But, here it was as if I had been talking to her, to myself, then, when I must have been 39 or 40 years old by then. As a child, I had forgotten about her in a few years, by the time I was age 9. Yet, for me by then, with this happening, my own spiritual functioning seemed to be with a difference from normal time, in other instances after that, as if it was when I was ready to bridge this gap in some real way. This had shown me something then. But, I still cannot explain it, only that it happened, and my whole family knew about it. I know it is possible, now, as I could not have even imagined before then.

Trusting God’s Nature

I Trust that God forgives each and all, no matter what.  God did not create us to then give up on us, or to destroy some of us as evil, when we each can learn better, given a way to go.  We are to become as God’s own children with some who will first be older brothers and sisters, and a few truly Divine sons and daughters with that spark of Divinity to develop Spiritual Functioning so others can do so as well, each and all of us.   God knew it would take us a long time, with a lot to learn and do to grow up.  

I trust that I also feel that God destined unit pairs choosing each other, not pre- destined, but out of all choices.  Surely foreseen by God early on.  Evil and the need for learning better, was always part of how to develop beyond our pitfalls.

  
I trust that I also feel that God gave us a structure and process, to be discerned in part as we went along, but followed blindly by those for whom it was striven for, long before it was starting to be realizable. 
I trust that I also feel that God helps us to know the nature of God, in a gradual way. Yet God has always had the intent and ability, in different aspects of being, to guide us one on one, so we can realize it and follow a way made more sure.  Groups pick out leaders to follow. Religions are formed. But, we will never know the full nature of our creator God.  

I trust that I do see God the Father, holds forth the highest goals to us, and if we make the attempt, we are enabled to keep going and still never seem to reach any of it.  I see God the Mother, holding forth the small baby steps, one after another, letting us play along as we do this, for all that  is our childhood.  Some want it to be all that is ever asked of us, but more is expected.   

It is ourselves who can receive both kinds of guidance, and yet make one of these all important to us.  And we may believe it should be all  important to everyone.  But, God offers us both at the same time.  With both, the impossible may be done in many steps, but it becomes possible to us. 

We do have the challenge to be older brothers or  sisters to others whose lives touch ours.  Parents expect and need this from us. 

But, with this there is a kind of authority and power, easily misused.  Here our lessons of right and wrong begin. We are given the start of spiritual functioning, unless we fear it, but it has unseen side effects, if used too routinely or willfully.

A next growth realized, is when we have the potential to be called the Son, or the Daughter with the spark of Divinity.  It is when we realize that we cannot keep, harness, own, or understand psychic power and functioning.  But, we are still gifted with Spiritual Functioning, yet  we need guidance to dare to use  it. It is not to be claimed.

Out of this, I trust that a new way will open for reachable goals for each and all of us.  I trust  Divine guidance will come to each of us in so many ways for small and immediate and possible steps in the direction needed for each of all in the human family, dead and living. It can be a dream, or a sudden thought, a stray thing someone says, or which we read, a sunset, a raindrop.  I trust that God sees our different needs, maybe recovery first and then to know yourself.
This is written as a  trusting Prayer.  

Art, my husband died, Memorial was Sat. Mar 9, 2019. I could not speak of this until now.

My husband had some scattered good memories of his father before he was 3, but his Dad, a one room school teacher for 8 grades, had a nervous breakdown, in 1926. At home a new baby sister died of scarlet fever, and the family was quarantined. His Dad’s job was taken over by someone else, and there was no income.
At the end of the quarantine, NY State declared that his Dad had a nervous breakdown, and was mentally ill. He was put in Willard State Mental Institution.
His older son and daughter were taken by NY State authorities, and placed in homes, before foster care was organized. The daughter was placed out of state in in a strict religious home as a teen aged employee. The boy was in a neighbor’s home to work, not yet in his teens. Only the three-year-old was left in the quarantined home.
After the quarantine the Mother was given a low rent, rural house, a very low version of a welfare check, and weekly inspections of how she took care of Art, her son.
Prior to when his Dad was a teacher, his father had married his wife from Great Britain in 1911, when he was stationed there as a US Marine.
I know his Dad came home, but could not get a job. He only worked as a farm hand, for food or their charity. The family never got off of welfare.
But Art had good memories of his Dad helping him do well in school, learning more than was being taught. He was moved to 2nd grade the first year, then from 3rd to 4th the second year.
At a later time his father was again declared incompetent, by the welfare authorities, and hospitalized in Willard. When his father was released to go home again, Art was 12. His father had been given shock treatments. He was then truly incompetent.
He died in 1945, a few months after Art and I were married. The Army-Air Force flew Art home.   He had an auction of all belongings except personal to his mother and brought her to live with us.   An agreement plan was easily formed of sharing her time equally with us and his brother and sister, both married.
My description has blank spots in it, because my husband never told me this, he never spoke of it, but his mother shared it. Fortunately his mother and I truly loved each other.
Perhaps you can see, I could not write of it until now, if it was so hidden for my husband, yet shared to me.
At a time when Willard, the state hospital, still was in operation, a second cousin and his wife worked there, and checked his records. They told us that by then, in the 1950’s or late 40’s, he would have never even been hospitalized. He might have been put on Valium, at home.
Art had emotional scars, some things were unexpected triggers, and we were given his admonition, “and we will never speak of it again”, and he would not. I felt that his eventual loss of memory came of this, and with that loss, he became more natural, and less the image he held so fiercely all the years I knew him with that facade. More the man I loved, underneath it all. I hope he knows now.  I tried to relate to who he was underneath it all, and it became our foundation.

Ackleys Rocks & Stamps Ended

We both worked in our business from 1964 on, until 2010 and Art in the Stamps Dept, to 2014  We were married 70 years by then, and ages 90 and 91.  This hardly seems possible.

 

In 2001 Rhonda, our manager. wanted to buy the Rock Shop, and she managed to get the financing.

 

I had recently set up our books with the Stamps Department separated from the Rock Shop, financially, and Art continued to run the Stamps Dept.  However, Art was used to, and did stay mostly on top of running it all, helpfully.  I was available as well.  But, for Rhonda, owning it did not work out.  So by 2006, at her request, after 5 years, we bought it back.  She then had full time as her job of being our manager.

 

In 2009, three years later a newly retired couple asked to buy the Rock Shop, while their daughter was working for us. They also worked with us for nearly a year.  Cathy was like an employee, David was often there, as both were learning all they could.

 

The Rock Shop was worth 90% of the income, and the work was 90% as well. Art had not been willing to put it up for sale, but with them working with us, and  being interested in learning about it, he did change his mind.  He wanted the business to go on for many more years.

 

In July of 2010 we sold it to the couple with a 2 year option to buy the building.  They rented the Rock Shop exactly as we had it, changing it gradually and expanding.  They began to put it on the computer, and on the internet.

 

So, selling the Rock Shop came as an unexpected offer to us, not from any effort or plan to sell.  Art would have left it going under Rhonda as the Manager, intending never to make changes or stop from going to work there.

 

Art was invited to stay on in the one room where the Stamps were shown and sold, running that business.  They happily took over and for some months, we both were consulted by them on the many questions.  None of our employees, other than their daughter, were retained.  However, at his wishes, they were pleased to have Art stay on indefinitely running the Stamp room.

 

They did run the business for 4 years. to 2014, and Art still ran the Stamps room.

 

It was an increasingly difficult effort for both of us, and I set a date by which to ask them to buy the building, still giving them the first option before listing it for sale. They planned to buy.  

 

When they had an appraisal, the estimates for them to bring an old building up to code in our city cost too much more.  We had a “Grandfather” clause exemption, and only needed to make actual repairs or additions, but no total plumbing or wiring changes.  However, that exemption was unavailable to new buyers by then.

 

They decided to move out, keep the inventory, and close down.  They could then focus on selling on line, with a web site start already in place.  (But, it still seems to be inactive.)

 

As soon as they let us know they were not going to buy, the next door business owner reminded us that awhile earlier he had asked to buy the building, if it became available.  He had purchased the building on the other side, so we were not expecting this.

 

His wife was a real estate agent, and she did get it appraised as a HUD building.  So they did buy and pay us the full price we were asking, and still made all necessary improvements anyway.   It all went like clockwork then. They gave everyone a month for moving the complete Ackley’s Rock’s & Stamps out.  But, believe me it was a lot of work.  I was glad moving the Rock Shop out was not our job.

 

A customer offered to buy all of Art’s Stamp Inventory at Art’s suggested asking price, and in one month everything was  completed, we were also moved out. We moved one office chair home.

 

 

An extra result is that Joe, who bought the Stamps, now comes by and takes Art to all of the Stamp Club meetings, and Art does not attempt to drive after dark, when I would insist for him not to do that.  Stamps are still now his hobby, and of great interest.

Again, Life, Luck, Good Fortune, Circumstances, of the way it all came about FOR us, made it all fall in place with no effort at all.   We just followed through on what happened as if by some unseen plan on our behalf. 

 

We do see this as a reality touching us at surprising times, throughout our life together.  For us it does seem to be a divine influence done in a way that seems to benefit all those it touches.  We came to trust this to never be at the expense of others, and for it to be of benefit to everyone involved.  This increased our having trust in even what came unwanted and unexpectedly.   It was never something we could have prayed for, even when it was what we worked toward, or hoped for.  It was truly more too much not even imagined, and it gave us more Trust and Faith.

 

We see small ways this continues now and then in our life together, and it gives us peace of mind, no matter what may come.  Thank you, my friends and family, for reading these last few blogs.